I still feel like I am in high school

MarknessMarkness Member
edited April 29 in Life Skills
No, I don’t ride the bus anymore nor do I have to eat cafeteria food and take mandatory classes anymore but on other levels, I still feel like I am in high school.

I am still surrounded by guys who obsess about football, cars as well as trucks, smoking, drinking, getting in fights, and blasting pop country or rap music depending on the demographic. I feel alone because no one is interested in history, dinosaurs, science fiction, and rock music the way I am and I feel sick due to suffering from sleep apnea, underdeveloped muscles, fat hanging off the worst areas of my body, and the heat is making it worse. I am made fun of for my physical attributes and even assumed to be gay. I try to work out in PE but my body doesn’t respond to my efforts. My body odor is also strong because I am allergic to antiperspirants and can’t wear sports deodorant. I am also “nose blind” so I can’t smell my stink but others can. 

The girls love the bad boys who yell at them and physically harass them in various ways while they snarl me off when I try to approach them. Most of them call the music I like “Satanic” or “noise”, even if it’s something like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I hope being nice and a “gentleman” as I was told to be will get me a girlfriend but it doesn’t work out. One girl even tells me to close my arm because my pit stinks. I see the girls also caressing and cuddling with other guys but I am left out. 

I have a guitar because I want to play in a band for a living but few share my passion for rock music and even though I am taking lessons, I can’t play a single song. There are some guys who are getting a band going and I talk to them about joining but they essentially make me an understudy except I never get to actually cover for anyone. 

My older brother gets more attention than I do and the girls are telling me things like “Your brother is so hot!”. Others sometimes confuse me for him and it frustrates me. He always has a girlfriend while I don’t. My mother is doing everything for him such as giving him a personal phone, vehicles he wants, and planning for him to go to A&M.

I go home alone while everyone else goes to a party. My older brother will throw some but I can’t join in since I am shy, don’t drink, don’t smoke, suck at the guitar, and I am ignored for the most part. I have online friends but they are doing more than I am and some are moving on from me. I have an unrequited love spell with one who always has a new boyfriend every few months and she cuts contact with me. 

Comments

  • You could say even though I graduated high school, it never left me. 
  • Ok, so I’m just going to pick one thing: when you say you’re allergic to deodorant is it the propellant odour severely irritates your nose, or you get rashes/blisters if you apply it?
  • Rashes and blisters. I hate it because I sweat easily, the natural deodorant I put on doesn’t last long, and I fear it’s put off potential girlfriends in the past. 
  • KaramazovKaramazov Citizen
    edited April 30
    Yeah: I thought that would be the case. Did a little google on it... apparently aluminium in the spray/roll on is usually the culprit (it’s common enough to have multiple returns when you google it).
    🤔 hmmm... have you experimented with brands designed for sensitive skin (dove for instance)?
    seem to remember folks used to use talcum powder back before modern deodorants were invented... might be worth a try if you haven’t already 🤷‍♂️

    Edit: have you tried/considered shaving your all armpits etc? I do: prevents buildup of stale sweat through the day.
  • I have shaved under my armpits. I need help with it sometimes because I find it difficult on my own. 
  • Yeah, I started doing it in my teens (one of my sister’s girly magazines had an article on “why boys smell bad”: I took notes 😉 ) took a while to master doing it without cutting myself. 
    Multi-bladed razor with a little bar of soothing stuff across the top is my recommend (Wilkinson Sword “hydro 5s” are the ones I use... don’t know if they trade in the US though).
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    I always found shaving my legs/armpits really hard when I tried to do it. I found that doing it after a hot shower, and going "with the grain" helps reduce any irritation and makes it easier to do, but going "with the grain" also takes a bit longer IMO. Also, put lotion on anywhere you shave, which will help reduce any rashes if you're like me and somehow end up with razor burn every time. lol
  • I just fear I missed potential relationships with the girls I found attractive because of my scent and if the problem carries over into my adulthood, especially since my feet also stink from the day. I fear that maybe women at the Meet Up groups smelled my feet and wanted to get away from me. I just don’t get any sort of break when it comes to breaking my social isolation and obstacles to love. I need love to heal but it’s been denied to me.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited May 1
    Do you use stick deodorant? As that is increasingly popular again.

    Stick deodorant is more likely to be suitable for sensitive skin. I would research a number of hypo-allergenic stick deodorants.

    Be careful with shaving you pits it might lead to more irritation an skin conditions, it might be better to trim it, short.

    In your climate showering twice a day is pretty much must, and you could time it so it before you a are likely yo go out you have recently showered. Also have the option to do a quick basin wash.

    If you have sensitive skin don't use shower gel, use natural bar soaps. There is brand called Simple that is good, they have a  bunch of skin care product, though I'm not seeing the bar soap on the US website.

    The crotch area similar. Dry will, in any nook or cranny.

    I recommend getting a travel version of you deodorant you can put in a pocket. So you can re-apply throughout the day.

    For feet drying thoroughly is very important, that is why they used to use talc.

    Very important to dry between the toes, eve if you use a hair dryer on low.  The smell could be untreated fungal infection, so look into that. yeast/fungi like damp so it s enemy is fresh air. 

    Breathability is key research breathable closes. There are some shirt with special  breathable  patches You wound generally want you clothes to be a light, fairly loose fitting, and with typically with natural fibres.

    Diet affects body odour as does exercise. Poor diet with lot of fried or processed food and lack of balance will lead to odour.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    Markness said:
    I just fear I missed potential relationships with the girls I found attractive because of my scent and if the problem carries over into my adulthood, especially since my feet also stink from the day. I fear that maybe women at the Meet Up groups smelled my feet and wanted to get away from me. I just don’t get any sort of break when it comes to breaking my social isolation and obstacles to love. I need love to heal but it’s been denied to me.

    Talk to your doctor, you might have a fungal infection that can be fixed. Smelly fresh sweat is usually indicative of a health issue.

    If you wash your feet, dry them well, and wear cotton or bamboo socks and reasonably good shoes, this shouldn't be a problem.

    If it's due to excessive sweating, you could try some of those absorbent sports socks. Foot baths with Epsom salts or tea tree oil are pleasant and relaxing and you can do that while on your computer. Unless it's very cold, walk barefooted around the house.

  • MarknessMarkness Member
    I still feel like I am in my older brother’s shadow. Back then, my mother got him everything and she’s admitted to me she thought it would teach him responsibility. Well, it didn’t. He partied and blew off education as “gay”. Even after his tenure at A&M went south, she still paid for him college tuitions and apartments. She even bought him a house and sunk in money to his beer business. People still sometimes confuse me for him and ask me about him. 

    He’s also had more girlfriends than me (I’ve only had one real relationship) and he is married with children. He still wants to party and thinks education is “gay”. I’ve tried to avoid partying and educate myself but nothing has gone my way. 

    I wish others could understand how it sucks being in his shadow and not having anything to show despite my efforts. Even though he doesn’t boast to me about his sexual escapades anymore, I still hate how going my way hasn’t brought a girlfriend to me.
  • MarknessMarkness Member
    My older brother is once again outshining me just like he did in high school and my parents are sinking thousands of dollars into his life while telling me I am “disabled”.
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