I still feel like I am in high school
No, I don’t ride the bus anymore nor do I have to eat cafeteria food and take mandatory classes anymore but on other levels, I still feel like I am in high school.
I am still surrounded by guys who obsess about football, cars as well as trucks, smoking, drinking, getting in fights, and blasting pop country or rap music depending on the demographic. I feel alone because no one is interested in history, dinosaurs, science fiction, and rock music the way I am and I feel sick due to suffering from sleep apnea, underdeveloped muscles, fat hanging off the worst areas of my body, and the heat is making it worse. I am made fun of for my physical attributes and even assumed to be gay. I try to work out in PE but my body doesn’t respond to my efforts. My body odor is also strong because I am allergic to antiperspirants and can’t wear sports deodorant. I am also “nose blind” so I can’t smell my stink but others can.
The girls love the bad boys who yell at them and physically harass them in various ways while they snarl me off when I try to approach them. Most of them call the music I like “Satanic” or “noise”, even if it’s something like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I hope being nice and a “gentleman” as I was told to be will get me a girlfriend but it doesn’t work out. One girl even tells me to close my arm because my pit stinks. I see the girls also caressing and cuddling with other guys but I am left out.
I have a guitar because I want to play in a band for a living but few share my passion for rock music and even though I am taking lessons, I can’t play a single song. There are some guys who are getting a band going and I talk to them about joining but they essentially make me an understudy except I never get to actually cover for anyone.
My older brother gets more attention than I do and the girls are telling me things like “Your brother is so hot!”. Others sometimes confuse me for him and it frustrates me. He always has a girlfriend while I don’t. My mother is doing everything for him such as giving him a personal phone, vehicles he wants, and planning for him to go to A&M.
I go home alone while everyone else goes to a party. My older brother will throw some but I can’t join in since I am shy, don’t drink, don’t smoke, suck at the guitar, and I am ignored for the most part. I have online friends but they are doing more than I am and some are moving on from me. I have an unrequited love spell with one who always has a new boyfriend every few months and she cuts contact with me.