Limits of your empathy
magpie
Citizen
I think I don't have so called "a big heart".
I mean, a big heart should have room for a lot of love, right?
But my capacity for empathy is definitely limited.
Dealing with my family, managing our conflicts, doing some support online is close to this limit - now my aunt called in late night, probably drunk, poor, lonely lady stuck in her tiny apartament on the lockdown, just wanted some real human contact...
When my husband today spotted another fish falling to a disease our Hellena snails apparently brought to the tank, I told him to care for the fish on his own, I just can't squeeze any more caring out of myself :(
So, he isolated the fish, hoping the disease wouldn't spread any further.
Anyone hit their limits of empathy hard?
Comments
People empathize with the experiences they can relate to and struggle to have sympathy for people with alien experiences.
I don't know if there is an absolute empathy limit but more personal and situational.
The crime victim has empathy for the other crime victim's.The person who made a mistake when they were young and went to prison,will have empathy for the criminal,feeling he came from hard times.And feeling the crime victim is likely rich and can just buy a new TV anyway.
And being on the spectrum will come with added difficulties, particularly if one also has poor emotional awareness. What works for me is literally "budgeting" my emotional resources and prioritising where and how I spend them. Depending on my time and stress levels, sometimes my "budget" gets tighter. I do still feel guilty about it sometimes.
Statest16 said: This is generally the case, although empathy can be cultivated. Maybe a better word for that would be compassion?
What happens to me is I twist it around to: If I don't do this for X, then I am not good hearted person.
This was a good reminder to me, too. Thank you magpie.
Rest, you need to refill the tank.
It's easier online because I don't have to react spontaneously and I already make a deliberate effort to be as diplomatic as I can since written communication can be pretty tone-deaf.
The bluntness is strictly related to my brain not being able to censor or reformulate things and has nothing to do with lack of empathy or being malicious.
I get away with it here, but in conflict-adverse cultures like the one I was born into, it would cost me a lot.
Those beliefs we absorb from our social experiences can be in great conflict with how we actually feel. Especially if they come from our main care givers e.g. mother or father.
I must be this or should do that are not notions we are born with but learnt from other peoples' behaviour towards us.
As an adult we are allowed to chose our own ways and beliefs. To follow our own personal feelings and trust our own experiences.
I am so glad this is a thread and subject here.
Thanks.
Your point about being adult and able to make these decisions for ourselves is a good one.