How your family deals with your ASD
I was one of those who wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. Mine has always been accepting, sometimes I think almost too much so. I never get any demands or expectations put on me; I have to put them on myself.
I remember reading about parenting styles awhile back: authoritarian, authoritative, indulgent, negligent. My parents were definitely indulgent. I was never given many chores or responsibilities or expectations, but I was always told I was brilliant, unique, one of a kind, smart. Whenever I had any struggles, I was bailed out of them. I tend to think I was almost enabled to not work on my weaker areas.
Now that I'm older, my mom has passed, and I'm married, husband is the one I interact with the most, and he's been supportive. I've had jobs in the past, both full and part time, but now I'm home as we prepare for a child next year. I want to be a SAHM; I know I could never work and take care of a child at the same time. In the meantime, I keep occupied by taking care of the home. I'm a pretty good house cleaner, and I take care of the house and our cats. I clean, do laundry, do dishes, feed the cats (in the evening; husband wakes before me usually and feeds them in the morning), clean their litterbox, take out the trash. I like having chores, responsibilities, things to organize. What I'm not good at, is interacting with others. This is why I didn't have success at most jobs: I could usually do the impersonal tasks, but not manage stress, frustration, humans well. You need both to climb ladders and keep jobs.
But I'm hoping I can at least be a decent mother, if I'm indeed still fertile. If for some reason I cannot have children, I'll keep being a homemaker. I might also try substitute teaching or direct support again, like I did from 2012-2019. So I have backup plans if I can't have a child.
But that's how my family and I deal with my ASD. I try to live as fulfulling a life as possible, despite many social and adaptive shortcomings.
I wasn't diagnosed until after I left home, either. My parents' style was "negligent", so they're largely indifferent to my autism. My grandparents believe it's just me being awkward and I should "snap out of it".
As a child I was just categorised as shy bright and awkward, my family had no concept of autism then, even now their understanding of it is limited.
These days Verity and I make accommodations for eachother.
I was not diagnosed until a few years ago and approximately 15 years into my marriage. I'd exhibited sensitivities such as my auditory sensitivity all along, so after my diagnosis, not much changed other than confirmation as to why loud noises, repetitive noises and certain other kinds of noises (e.g. someone clipping their nails) harsh me out tremendously. I have passive over the ear hearing protectors that I wear around the house when loud sounds are eminent (vacuum, blender, etc) or I need to concentrate. I have at least six pair of those.
Fragrance intolerance: We have had a fragrance free household for many years because of me. We make our own laundry detergent and our own dish soap. Chemical fragrances like those commonly found in laundry detergent, air fresheners, "dryer sheets", etc affect me in many deleterious ways.
My wife is more tolerant of why I do or don't do certain things as well (e.g. closing my eyes when I explain something so I can see my thoughts, less face to face communication, forgetting dates, needing some things a certain way, not wanting people to move or touch my things).
None of my birth family has said much about it. Pre being assessed I asked my father if he could provide some info. Not long after he said he could see no signs of autism. He may well have been thinking of autism as it was seen in the late 1950s when I was born. My sister send a letter about what she noticed, but post my dx has said nothing. My brother also has said nothing .
My stepdaughter played quite a large part inn my being assessed. She came with me to my 1st psych appointment and backed up my mentioning autism. She has worked with people on the spectrum. She was present at all the assessments apart from the ADOS. She took me there and took me back home when it was over.
You seem to be one of the more well-adjusted auties I have come across, imo.
I haven't told my mother, because I'm mute and don't speak about emotions with her. We have a strained relationship. She's aware of and annoyed by my peculiarities but never investigated the cause, to support me. She has had a very low opinion of me and my behaviour / mannerisms all my life, and was embarrassed by me to the point of telling me I seemed retarded and calling me useless. She thinks that autism = retardation, so I haven't been inspired to give her that satisfaction.
My father was likely ASD but he passed away long ago prior to my diagnosis. He would understand.
My brother is most certainly what would be called Aspergers (old-school definition), but he's never been for assessment and we've never discussed it.
I live in a vortex where I'm shamed for who I am, but very few people bother to inquire why.
My parents got my brother diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 7-8 because they noticed signs. They said they noticed signs in me too right afterwards, but I didn't get assessed until after I started Kindergarten since that was when it became more apparent.
I got diagnosed with ADD and didn't even know I got tested for Asperger's until I was around 11, and got retested for ASD at 16 and got diagnosed with ADHD and GAD.
Both of my parents most likely have ASD/ASD traits themselves. They both don't really know how to deal with my ASD and would rather ignore my issues than deal with them, and didn't really teach me or enforce a lot of things like proper hygiene practices and executive functioning skills due to that. My mom actually talks very negatively about her experiences with my brother as an infant and toddler, so I think after he got diagnosed and they noticed my issues that they weren't too thrilled about possibly having another autistic child.
My family was dysfunctional, also.
My mother, who died before I got the diagnosis, often said I was awkward baby,toddler, child and teenager etc. There are pictures of her holding me as a baby that show a loving mother. At some point things went more sour.
I was diagnosed very young. My mother was rough on me; perhaps, she thought it would help me “snap out” of my (classic) autism. She used some Applied Behavioral Analysis methods before the advent of ABA treatment. She also used cue cards and such to teach me to read and do math before Kindergarten. Maybe, to some extent, in conjunction with more conventional psychotherapy/play therapy, it did help me emerge from my solipsism.
Well, I was diagnosed rather late in life so my family of origin doesn't matter. With my actual family, it's not a problem in any way. I was diagnosed right after my son and the only difference was that we understood some things better and had a more clear idea on how to help him. For me, the diagnosis made very little difference in that regard, as I was already accepted as I was and with or without a label none of them saw me or my behaviour as a problem.
Denial. Although my mother recently told me I had the same "mental illness" as my father, which was nice, as he became a hermit in later years and ended up killing himself.
Same. I'm "just like your dad's side of the family", according to my mother. She loved my dad so I'm not sure what that was all about, but she didn't like anyone else in his family and my paternal grandfather also became a recluse who committed suicide.
I'm thankful for my beloved husband. He does not belittle me for having faith, does not say I'm irrational, and shows me respect, which is more than some do on this site. I suppose some are just jealous because they themselves don't have relationships and so try to get me riled up here by putting down my rationality.
^ I'm an atheist and in some ways not a big fan of religion, but I'd never belittle anyone over it. I don't think it's irrational, and probably few other people on this site do.
My intention was never to put you down.
No, no jealousy.