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My biggest social faux pas

My biggest social faux pas is openly saying that I’m quite good at something. A relatively trivial thing.The fact that it’s a small oasis of ability in a vast desert of ineptitude matters little. The word ‘bragging’ is often used. For me it stems from deep rooted insecurity rather than believing I’m a superior person. It’s a product of the bullying related trauma that drove a psychological wrecking ball through any self confidence,esteem, and worth I had. A product of having been described as ugly, and treated as though I was rather stupid. With being seen as a ’ freak’ and the mocking laughter and contempt that followed that.


  • Statest16Statest16 Citizen, Mentor
    I'd have difficulty commenting because I don't know you IRL
  • I'm a little bolder online,a little less withdrawn, and you don't get to see the physical and social awkwardness. Apart from that I am as I am, be it IRL  or not.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited August 7
    Been there. The way we are good at something, doesn't really fit into general intelligence. Nothign wrong with take a some pride in the little things, if anything this is the human condition.

    There is a lot said about the bell curve, and correlation between intelligences, but that doesn't describe how people do things outside of separate aptitudes under these test conditions.  It is not a practical assessment of performance, in the real world. If anything the data is trained to a concept of IQ where there is correlation.

    Often the common factors are  executive function and working memory. This is why in reality is a lot more fuzzy round the edges. There are general capabilities but separate intelligences. There is also neuro-plastisity and this more likely in neurodiverse people in fact by virtue of.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited August 7
    With all thing personal a lot is about when and how you say things. That is the hardest thing for us. 

    It is less about message and more about 'messaging'.

    You may think you are insecure, but actually other people's insecurity that drives this and what the social subtleties are about. I mean this on a primal level. All social interaction is driven by balancing vulnerability with strength, unless directly challenging or fully submitting. 

    Culture plays not that. So they may wish to showcase what they are good at something, but they make sure to play it down an also complement others at the same time. That reciprocal thing is key to not being threatening or vulnerable.

    Or you can choose to interact in a more control manner as an when you need to as an autistic person. I always advocate playing to our strengths over mimicry.

  • firemonkeyfiremonkey Citizen
    edited August 7
    I started taking part in the high IQ community nearly 3.5 years ago.  I do my best to complement others. It's not just me boldly proclaiming 'Look at me. I'm brilliant'. Indeed the opposite is true; whereby I'm constantly doubting whether I'm intelligent enough to be part of that community. I definitely exasperate more than a few people in that community, with my self doubt.

    Despite having doubts about whether I'm good enough I've gone from about 56 FB friends pre joining the high IQ community to having over 6x that amount now. The vast majority of that increase coming from those in the high IQ community sending friendship requests.

    Outside of that community, however, I'm very rarely seen as worth having as a forum 'friend'.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited August 8
    Online friendships are just different to in person friendship. Not saying one is better.

    Support site typically while there is often rapport between some folk, and maybe an occasional  online friendship, many people who go to support sites don't really form those sort of relationships.

    For instance I enjoy interacting with people here, it is not clear they would consider me their friend though. For me that doesn't matter I still get something out of it. You can consider it context based interaction which can be rewarding in of itself. Sometimes that can lead to friendship. I have developed friendship from forums but mainly from organising an going to meet ups in the past. Those friendship do need maintaining though, and that require regualr in person interaction as they can wane otherwise.

    Let me know if I'm veering off topic. My point was more to say yes sure you are insecure but the bullying and difficulties you faced are also due to another kind of insecurity in others one the is a typical behaviour that drives these how people interact e.g. the culture of the clique.
  • Thanks @verity .
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