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Tips on how to make online friends?

HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
in General ASD
Or just general tips for making friends?

I haven't talked to a lot of new people 1-on-1 since I met my current friend 2-3 years ago, so now it's really hard to. I don't know what to talk about to keep the person interested in talking to me, besides for asking them questions about their interests. I get self conscious because I notice that all I am able to do is ask questions, and then ask more questions based on their response...

Overall I dont really know how to go about talking to people I don't know well, and I would like some tips on how to do better at that?

I also specified online friends in the title because I'm not really allowed to go anywhere, so I don't get to talk to a lot of people irl. General friend making advice is welcome, but if you have online-friend specific advice or experiences to share that is even better.

Comments

  • kraftiekortiekraftiekortie Citizen
    edited March 2021
    Just do what you've been doing. You certainly made some decent amount of friends in both forums. One of the keys is to not get too upset if somebody says something that doesn't rub you the right way. Don't treat that statement like it's a drastic thing. Consider the other things that person said that wasn't so bad.
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    kraftiekortie said:
    Just do what you've been doing. You certainly made some decent amount of friends in both forums. One of the keys is to not get too upset if somebody says something that doesn't rub you the right way. Don't treat that statement like it's a drastic thing. Consider the other things that person said that wasn't so bad.
    I agree that I've made some friends on the forums I'm on and can converse on threads fine, though I still have some issues with 1-on-1 conversation. I would like to be able to have better private conversations with people, especially since most people my age prefer to talk in "DMs". The people I know on forums are cool and I like talking to them, but I would like more friends that are closer to my age and that I can possibly talk to on Discord.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    It really seems to be a matter of meshing with the right personalities just like in the physical world. Some people will accept you, others will not. 
  • Mona_PerethMona_Pereth Citizen
    edited April 2021
    Hylian said:
    I agree that I've made some friends on the forums I'm on and can converse on threads fine, though I still have some issues with 1-on-1 conversation. I would like to be able to have better private conversations with people, especially since most people my age prefer to talk in "DMs". The people I know on forums are cool and I like talking to them, but I would like more friends that are closer to my age and that I can possibly talk to on Discord.

    How old are you?

    I notice you don't have a signature line.  If you're specifically looking to meet people close to your age, you might want to mention your age, or perhaps your year of birth, in your signature line, which should also mention some of your interests and/or your approximate geographic location.

    A while back I wrote a blog post on "The ingredients of friendship."

    Below are some further thoughts on how to develop the first four ingredients that I refer to as foundations of friendship:

    1) To develop companionship, look for people who share your interests, and with whom you can enjoy in-depth conversations about your interests.  (Most of this conversation will likely take place in public forums, but some of it can happen in private messages as well.)

    2) Autism-related forums (and in-person support groups, once COVID restrictions are lifted) are a natural place to develop the second ingredient of friendship:   emotional support / sympathy / mutual understanding. (Most of this conversation, too, will likely take place in public forums, but some of it can happen in private messages as well.)

    3) Doing small favors for each other.  Be on the lookout for ways that you can be helpful to others, and show gratitude when others do small favors for you.

    4) Comradeship.  To develop comradeship, you have to work together on something, cooperatively.  An example might be working together to build a group devoted to some common hobby.

  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Mona_Pereth said:
    Hylian said:
    I agree that I've made some friends on the forums I'm on and can converse on threads fine, though I still have some issues with 1-on-1 conversation. I would like to be able to have better private conversations with people, especially since most people my age prefer to talk in "DMs". The people I know on forums are cool and I like talking to them, but I would like more friends that are closer to my age and that I can possibly talk to on Discord.

    How old are you?

    I notice you don't have a signature line.  If you're specifically looking to meet people close to your age, you might want to mention your age, or perhaps your year of birth, in your signature line, which should also mention some of your interests and/or your approximate geographic location.

    A while back I wrote a blog post on "The ingredients of friendship."

    Below are some further thoughts on how to develop the first four ingredients that I refer to as foundations of friendship:

    1) To develop companionship, look for people who share your interests, and with whom you can enjoy in-depth conversations about your interests.  (Most of this conversation will likely take place in public forums, but some of it can happen in private messages as well.)

    2) Autism-related forums (and in-person support groups, once COVID restrictions are lifted) are a natural place to develop the second ingredient of friendship:   emotional support / sympathy / mutual understanding. (Most of this conversation, too, will likely take place in public forums, but some of it can happen in private messages as well.)

    3) Doing small favors for each other.  Be on the lookout for ways that you can be helpful to others, and show gratitude when others do small favors for you.

    4) Comradeship.  To develop comradeship, you have to work together on something, cooperatively.  An example might be working together to build a group devoted to some common hobby.

    I'm 20. I honestly forgot that you can add signatures on here, so I'll try to do that later with the things you suggested, since I have one on WP and AF. lol

    Those tips are also very useful, thank you! As for the last one I found playing games with people online definitely made making friends a lot easier, but my internet has been too crappy for months to play them and meet people. I need to figure out other online activities that don't take up as much bandwidth as games...
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Markness said:
    It really seems to be a matter of meshing with the right personalities just like in the physical world. Some people will accept you, others will not. 
    I think this is very true, and (at least for me) is a lot easier to do online than in real life due to the fact you can talk to anyone living anywhere in the world.
  • Mona_PerethMona_Pereth Citizen
    Hylian said:
    Those tips are also very useful, thank you!

    You're welcome.

    Hylian said:
    As for the last one I found playing games with people online definitely made making friends a lot easier, but my internet has been too crappy for months to play them and meet people. I need to figure out other online activities that don't take up as much bandwidth as games...

    What kinds of online games do you like to play?  Some games are more bandwidth-hungry than others.

    My boyfriend likes to play Forge of Empires, which is a web-based combination of war game and city-building game that, he says, doesn't require huge amounts of bandwidth.

  • blazingstarblazingstar Citizen
    I don't have any tips for making friends, but I certainly remember the struggle and the angst when trying. (((Hylian)))
  • Teach51Teach51 Citizen
    Well Hylian I think you do just fine.🙂 You acknowledge other people's posts and invest effort in engaging with them, you share about your life and your pet rabbit and give us a glimpse of what it is to be you. I was immediately drawn to your kind nature and compassion. You can certainly add me to your list of online friends. Here's to many many more.🥂
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Mona_Pereth said:
    Hylian said:
    Those tips are also very useful, thank you!

    You're welcome.

    Hylian said:
    As for the last one I found playing games with people online definitely made making friends a lot easier, but my internet has been too crappy for months to play them and meet people. I need to figure out other online activities that don't take up as much bandwidth as games...

    What kinds of online games do you like to play?  Some games are more bandwidth-hungry than others.

    My boyfriend likes to play Forge of Empires, which is a web-based combination of war game and city-building game that, he says, doesn't require huge amounts of bandwidth.

    I was playing mainly MMO RPGs with people, which definitely take up more bandwidth than other online games. I think my issue is it's hard to find things online that keep my attention, because the games I normally play by myself are probably more limited than other people who like video games.
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    blazingstar said:
    I don't have any tips for making friends, but I certainly remember the struggle and the angst when trying. (((Hylian)))
    Teach51 said:
    Well Hylian I think you do just fine.🙂 You acknowledge other people's posts and invest effort in engaging with them, you share about your life and your pet rabbit and give us a glimpse of what it is to be you. I was immediately drawn to your kind nature and compassion. You can certainly add me to your list of online friends. Here's to many many more.🥂
    Thank you, Blaze and Teach. ❤
  • Butterfly88Butterfly88 Citizen
    I recommend you try Discord.  There are a lot of servers for autistic people.  You can search for them on Disboard.  
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Butterfly88 said:
    I recommend you try Discord.  There are a lot of servers for autistic people.  You can search for them on Disboard.  
    I forgot that was an option, thank you for the suggestion! I'll try to find some servers to join.
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