Too smart to be this stupid
Bender
Citizen
in General ASD
I suspect most of you have been told something like this. It seems people assume that being intellectually or verbally intelligent automatically comes with a certain degree of competence in what I see as unrelated areas, like emotional intelligence for instance.
It doesn't work that way for me though, and I can act like a complete idiot sometimes in areas that people assume even a child can handle. What annoys me the most is how when faced with such discrepancies, most assume you're being lazy, difficult or disingenuous right off the bat. It's rather rare for people to give you the benefit of a doubt and try to explain and teach you instead.
Not all NTs are quite as well rounded either, I've met plenty of highly intelligent people with low emotional intelligence or terrible life skills that weren't on the spectrum; maybe it's more pronounced or obvious in us?
This is a small thing in the big picture, but it still ticks me off when people act as if we all come with the same default in-built features when there are actually so many factors besides autism that can cause this kind of discrepancies. And I'd rather be really good at some things and struggle with others than being mediocre at everything
It doesn't work that way for me though, and I can act like a complete idiot sometimes in areas that people assume even a child can handle. What annoys me the most is how when faced with such discrepancies, most assume you're being lazy, difficult or disingenuous right off the bat. It's rather rare for people to give you the benefit of a doubt and try to explain and teach you instead.
Not all NTs are quite as well rounded either, I've met plenty of highly intelligent people with low emotional intelligence or terrible life skills that weren't on the spectrum; maybe it's more pronounced or obvious in us?
This is a small thing in the big picture, but it still ticks me off when people act as if we all come with the same default in-built features when there are actually so many factors besides autism that can cause this kind of discrepancies. And I'd rather be really good at some things and struggle with others than being mediocre at everything
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I have a former friend who has an IQ of maybe 155 or so which Einstein territory but he never bothered to get more than a bachalors degree from a state college and his father was a world famous musician and have easily afforded Harvard or Yale and could then easily have gotten a grad degree.He spends all his time skyping with 25 year olds who act like there 16 and play video games.He said his dream lover is 1 day over 18,so in other words he wants 15 years old but doesn't like jail and his 20 year old skype friend are surrogates for his fantasies.He is a musical genius but has never tried to do anything with his music,which is sad because his music is good especially his voice work.But sex was part of our falling out,he put his hand somewhere it didn't belong.
Not trying to bash geniuses but I'm only saying intelligence is subjective and as Einstein himself said; "Were all geniuses,if you judge a fish by it's tree climbing ability we'd all be stupid"
Maybe what I'm trying to say is if you think about it the whole world are sort of idiot savants maybe.
I don't really get upset anymore when people react like that though, because I've gotten that reaction my entire life and I just overall ignore anyone who's not in my immediate family now. lol
I'm a reasonably intelligent person, and I'm an academic. It's frustrating that people frequently assume I "must" also have it all together emotionally, or in terms of interpersonal and life skills. The discrepancy can very well make them judge me as "lazy, difficult, or disingenuous" when I don't meet their expectations.
In truth my abilities fluctuate, but in general I find that I confuse people. I'm frequently overestimated by people who don't realise the scope of my limitations, and yet I'm also underestimated by people who don't realise the breadth of my resilience. Either way, I often feel judged or misunderstood.
What frustrates me most is that I have now had two strokes. I don't think many people stop to consider the effect of acquired brain injury on my ability to communicate or handle complex emotions, or thoughts. The first stroke in 2015 was much more severe, but even then doctors and family members alike assume that it only caused physical damage, or perhaps increased my depression. It was easier to see my walker or my cane, than my emotional changes which are many. Most people don't even stop to appreciate the fact that strokes do cause emotional and intellectual changes. My second stroke in December didn't have any clinical lasting damage, thank goodness, but I can feel the difference mentally. I don't have the bandwidth or mental strength that I did before. I can't involve myself in complex emotions / dialogue. I need a slower, more peaceful pace. Even online, threads about academic or rigorous subjects are exhausting for me since December. I don't have the energy to participate in those the way I might have, in the past. I actually like the change. I feel like I'm much more relaxed, and I'm enjoying playing word games or other carefree threads.
In my ASD assessment I was only 5th percentile nonverbal. I'm sure I'm even lower now with this recent stroke. I have a very hard time navigating people and relationships, or judging situations. My ability for linear thought and decision-making is severely affected. ADHD also made / makes me reactive at times, so I've been working very hard to improve in that area.
Overall I feel much like you do. I feel like I have a very spiky profile of highs and lows, and it's a constant learning curve for me to understand my own strengths and weaknesses, let alone explain them to others.
IQ tests are controversial for a reason, but it wasn't really geniuses I was thinking about. More like normal intelligence that's obvious to others.
But the thing was more related to assuming competence in one area automatically means competence in another, related or not.
For instance, people know I love cooking and I'm good at it. Then they get all surprised and sometimes riled up because I hate grocery shopping as if enjoying one must mean I also like the other.
Similarly, in my home, I'm considered an excellent host by my and my children's friends who always rave about how good they feel in our house. But these are always people I know well and care about. If you take me in another environment with people I barely know or don't particularly like, I'm more or less tongue-tied, look bored and don't reciprocate or show interest in others in the ways I'm expected to. People get angry because they think I'm stuck up or passive-aggressive.
You get where I'm going?
Standard methods of learning are like torture for me, I prefer learning by doing in areas where that's possible.
I believe it's actually about their expectations too.
Yeah, it's similar for me too. Those who accept me usually think I'm paradoxical.
This is plain ignorance with some selfishness thrown in - even a heart attack can lead to changes in someone's personality. But yeah, a lot of people pay attention to what they can see and ignore what they can't or try to convince you it doesn't exist, doesn't matter or it's "all in your head"
Thanks.
Even prior to the strokes, I've noticed what you're saying. I like the analogy you made about cooking vs shopping. A lot of subconscious and avoidable generalisations are made about people based on one point of information.
I've achieved a lot in my life being independent, working full time, owning homes, surviving trauma, and being a single parent. People assume that means I'm able and confident, or that I have solid life skills. When I point out that I managed by necessity, that I had no choice, and I also have considerable challenges with life skills, self-regulation, interpersonal relationships, communication, and general coping, they seem incredulous. It's like I must be capable or incapable. Black or white thinking. They don't appreciate or anticipate how hard it's been for me as an moderately autistic woman with communication deficits, mutism, anxiety, and poor executive function. On the flip side if they do appreciate my challenges then I'm often pitied as if I'm helpless, and I don't want that either.
I just want to be viewed for what and who I am, to the extent that we all try to respect others for having strengths, weaknesses, and interests which vary day to day.
The way you put it just made me realise why I hate generalisations (and assumptions) so much: generalisation can be a useful tool, but many people don't know how to use it correctly or rely too heavily/solely on it, and they usually do it either without realising or for intellectually dishonest reasons. And now statistics are often used the same way.
Assumptions, on the other hand, are just better avoided in almost all situations.
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I'm really glad you have some support from your family, it makes a big difference.
Truman Capote was sent to have his IQ tested as a teenager by his family, who thought he was... ahem, feeble-minded, mostly due to his lack of interest in school. The psychiatrist pronounced him a genius
I think you'll find lots of threads and posts that you can relate to here. We've all had very similar experiences to yours at the hands of a less-than-informed society.
I have all my school reports and employment reports as well. They're shocking because it's so obvious that I needed help in many areas of my development, but I'm doing the best I can to pick up the pieces of my oft-broken life, as an adult.
There's humour and compassion here as well as factual information about many different topics, so please make yourself right at home.
Looking through some of my records from school was very interesting. I found notes from teachers about my social development and that detailed some issues that are common in autistic children. The fact I was blamed by teachers for a lot of my problems just baffles me even more now.
One thing that I've identified as a result of understanding my condition is that I have some difficulties with auditory comprehension. If I miss a word or phrase as someone is speaking to me, it is difficult for me to guess the likely meaning. Pre-diagnosis, I had put this down to other factors. But as a small boy, I thought I had a problem with my hearing and was taken to see the local doctor. He held his watch to my ear and asked if I could hear it ticking. I could. He told me that there was nothing wrong with my hearing (he was right) - and that I didn't listen (he was wrong).
I found many letters that I had written home from school. Some of them comment on the noise in class. 'There's much less rioting in this class, so I can hear more easily and certainly understand better,' and so on. This I do find poignant, because I think ambient noise was a far greater problem than anyone realised.
Once I had moved schools and was in smaller classes with more motivated pupils, my performance transformed. I went on to Oxford University and gained a First Class degree in Arabic, a scholarship and two university prizes. And I've been employed ever since. But these days, I wear earplugs in the office when I really need to concentrate!
What would you have liked to study if university had been possible?
Also, that I didn't bother interacting with my classmates "enough", and that when I did I got frustrated really easily and "let it discourage me". (I was being bullied and excluded then, because I didn't understand how to interact with other kids, so it's hard to not let that discourage me... lol)
There's more, but I woke up a bit ago so I'm bad at thinking of proper examples.