Narcissism or Aspergers?
williampretzel New Member
in General ASD
Can anyone help me determine if I have Aspergers or narcissism? My friends sometimes have this debate and are split all the time. They say I have Aspergers because I am very honest and I talk about fringe topics while laughing and showing no emotion. Fringe topics include topics like crime and murder. They think that I am pretty open to talk about my life and generally dont lie to them so I have to have Aspergers syndrome. They also say I am a little quirky but not too much. At the same time, they say I can still maintain eye contact and can have a good conversation with people if I am interested and in proper mood.
Let me tell you a little more about myself. I was born in the 1990s. When I was young, I liked to get attention from people in school saying things like "oh I eat glue" when I didnt actual glue. I used to get in fights with people. The only thing stopping me was criminal or disciplinary actions but I had a decent chunk of minor disciplinary action for strangling kid that pissed me off in school and mouthing off to teachers. I once got upset at a girl in school that made fun of me somehow so I hunted her down and threw vinegar in face as kid and I also threw paint at the door of her house. That incident got unpunished. I tried to throw a cat out of the window from the apartment complex.
One time I was friendly fighting a friend and broke his head and he had to go to the ER and made me feel upset for a little cause I never meant to break his head. My grandfather wrote my parents a letter when I was young saying that I was undisicplined, an a-hole, and had a violent view toward any animals. The teachers at school told my parents I may have ADHD but never suggested autism spectrum or narcissism or anything else.
My parents would get very mad at me over slights as I was growing up. For instance, if I accidentely spilled water on the floor, my mom would start yelling for a long time and if I got a B- on a test, my dad would get very mad.
I could be a literal person but I was literal a lot of times to get away from emotional topics or to show people how much I know about a topic. Some people called me a good conversationist.
Growing up, I was also a love/hate character. I could network with a lot of people but didnt get very close with most/all people only a few. I always wanted to act out and be different. I liked negative attention and I also liked to beat the system. I would learn how to pass classes without being in class by taking tests. I began to hack everyone's computer and was actually fairly good at it. People characterized me as fairly smart. Some people however saw me as purposefully annoying. I had a habit of torturing cats but wouldnt seriously hurt the cats.
I liked to experiment with very hard and dangerous drugs and tell people "guess what I have experimented with high dose IV cocaine", often intentionally shocking people who werent as reckless. I would drive cars at 150 miles per hour and engage in other thrills. I would also do unusual things like tell girls I would kill myself or call their parents to tell dirt on them if they didnt date me.
I knew a lot about topics like military history, foreign countries, drugs, law, science, and other topics to a great extent and could learn a lot about various topics. I always knew a lot about some topics but people also saw me as fairly ecletic. When I used to party too hard, people said I obsess over drugs sometimes and people said I get obsessed over issues like respect and victory. I always need to win contests and win medals and tell people about how I won and how I am better.
I ended up dating several women but all of them for some reason had similar or related issues like dissociative identity and borderline personality disorder. I do not know if this is coincidental.
In middle school, I made troll videos where I would harass stores with friends and film it and also blow things up and set things on fire. We would hand out these videos to people at the school.
I used to have empathy while growing up but I always had selective empathy. There were people who I had a lot of empathy for like people who were unfairly treated by police and I had 0 empathy for other people who I wanted destroyed like people didnt say good things about me (a lot of times people didnt say good things about me cause I was a class clown sort of).
Most recently, my friends asked me questions about my life to determine if I have Aspergers and Narcissism and couldnt figure out. Some people told me "you must have Aspergers syndrome. You seem to do weird things socially like purposefully try to make people uncomfortable for your entertainment and you are brutally honest if you had narcissism you wouldnt be as honest and wouldnt say things like 'I used to hack computers' you would keep it secret. also you are one of the most intelligent people i know and intelligent people have Aspergers. you also have very good manipulation skills and can read people well but you dont have the best people skills. you are not patient with people and dont care much for many peoples' problems" Other people say "no its narcissism and you can be honest and have other liimited characteristics of Aspergers and not be diagnosed with Aspergers". It is true that I am generally honest but I do not think that me saying things like me hacking computers is a bad thing or will get me in trouble. It happened a long time ago and I think it actually shows that I can beat the system. I actually think that there are more criminal or more severe things I have done before that I wouldnt announce to even my friends and I think the stuff that I do mention is cool. I also like the company and the attenton of mentioning these things. I enjoy saying triggering things to some people (but not all people in all situations) cause I find it entertaining. I cannot be by myself adn always need consistent social interaction. I also sometimes do lie. For instance, I create elaborate stories to my parents and family sometime. However, I prefer not to lie unless there is a great benefit to it. I would rather be 99% honest and lie 1% of the time about something big.
I always have trouble being by myself and need constant social interaction (including posting on this forum right now) or stimulation.
Based on this, am I more likely to have Aspergers syndrome or narcissism?
You probably (Aspergers being archaic) have ASD level 1; I would doubt otherwise you'd be here.I doubt you have "Narcissistic Personality disorder" they would likely be to haughty to go to a autism website,and they would think to much of there opinions to ask other people.They would do there own research and have uber confidence in there opinions.
Most people with a NPD DX don't get it until they crash and hit rock bottom and are forced to confront it.
It had been rumored the defense would you autism and that Cruz is autistic,but thank god neither are true.
The defense has proceeded with "fetal alcohol spectrum disorder" FASD not ASD and although Cruz has showed some autistic traits FASD often mock's autism so Nikolas Cruz in not autistic.Good news for us for sure!
However from the crime it's obvious he is a sociopath.
Also Cruz was to young (19) at the time of the crime to be quote "Incel" 19 Is still within healthy age for a male to be a virgin.I would say for males one would have to be at least 23 without a substantial relationship and still a virgin to be classified as "Incel"
All that can be truly said about Cruz is that he is a sociopath and whether FASD is mitigation is for the jury to decide.I'll give you the narcissist DX on Cruz because sociopathy would imply that but whether it's vulnerable or grandiose is not diagnosable by us.
The defense asserted as mitigation that a combination fetal alcohol exposure causing psyche issues along with being twice orphaned.Being abandoned by a drug addicted prostitute mother then loosing adoptive mother push him over the edge.This a mitigation only toward sentence ,guilt not being contested,so not claiming legal insanity.
If you know things I don't more power to you
"Incel" is someone celibate against there will.A lot may be misogynistic from repeated rejection but not all.There have been some cases of violence mainly in people already mentally ill like Rodgers.
Nevermind me I'm very literalist though,I define things narrowly.
Yes ,I have read perceived romantic rejection has been a motive in some mass shootings.Elliot Rodgers and the van crash man in Canada.
Unless you have seen something I have not ,the defense in the Cruz case focused on the double orphanment and the pre natal substance exposure.
The prosecution among many things read texts sent to a girl who had a boyfriend but the prosecution never claimed that for motive.The prosecution also mentioned Cruz had searched cool looking medical cast designs because Cruz had wrist fracture at the time of the crime.Not every text read in evidence went to motive.
If you have read things I have not not then maybe your right,I have not read much on the case but did watch some on Court & Law TV,from that that's all I know.
This I understand although it's no excuse for neither my sister or I killed anyone.
I lost a mother young and my younger sister even younger.
I fully believe loss of two mothers not peer or romantic(and or sexual) rejection pushed him over the edge.
My own sister hates me and we have not spoken in 20 years all just because we grieved differently.
Losing a mother young is hard and it's no excuse for murder I believe the parental loss (actually two mothers) pushed him over the edge not peer rejection.
I would never kill anyone but I remember august 23rd 1997 like yesterday,this stuff effects people for real.
(now you have me crying)
I suppose in the end we won't know why people do such things,the loss of a parent and peer rejection are both painful but don't begin to explain the inclination to such horror.
I was simply giving my viewpoint on the pain of parental loss and why that is a viable motive.But there surely have been such crimes based on peer rejection as well.
You had a highly delinquent past, part of it seems to stem from emotional outbursts, some of it momentary with failure to assess the consequences, yet sometimes you regret the consequence and overassess the physical strength of other humans.
I wouldn't be surprised if you have been affected by growing up in a family with both parents being problem parents and anger focused, which probably is contagious and could be a medium to breed narcissism.
Your friends don't seem to know the distinction between covert and overt narcissism, and instinctively defend you or excuse your traits, some narcissists have no issue with their traits showing, supposedly in your case you get pleasure out of your delinquency, an interest in showing bad boy vibes, it can have appeal to the person, but not the other people to such extents as your dangerous behavior that could hospitalize your close ones because there's no safety and love in that. You seem to be regretting particularly the deeds that you didn't plan to happen, while ones that you did you wouldn't regret.
Like you said, you seem to extend your emotional feelings about who might be enemies inwardly, into your close circles, which you discover to be able to care a little more about and have regrets. You treat girlfriends as less than friends, you view them as objects and go overboard to manipulate for your dates to do extreme things. But your lack of acknowledgement that nobody will stay with you due to it is missing, no one not even other narcs appreciate being dragged into relationships and will escape because it's very obvious you're up to no good and you seem to have very low self control over your ideas and feelings which is a trait of narcissists. Because you involve yourself in toxic and extreme games and you can't help enjoying it you are a malignant narcissist. You deem genuinity your enemy as soon as you can identify a big gain and you are destructive to yourself and others in pursuit of it, like an animal that gets too triggered by squirrels on a leash that it will stop listening to reason and paying attention to directions from their owner. It's gone, and the only thing that can snap the brain out of it in animals is physical sensors, leash tap, when the mind is gone.
Some narcissists are intelligent and have a broad knowledge that helps them cheat the system. They can plan to great detail like you seem to do sometimes when you're on the track of revenge, machiavellian tact.
I can't find any traits from what you said that would be related to autism in your case, except knowledge but it's not unique to the spectrum and without the other traits it seems unlikely to be true. You're a social person also, sounds like and popular with the girls which you wouldn't see from an autistic guy in a thousand years so naturally.
Your desire to show off is mistaken for the interest in honesty and honor, which you lack as you're very easily drawn to cheats and shortcuts in your goals to getting ahead by any means.
What fuels your desire to mess with animals is by the sounds of it an enjoyment with the reactions of the animals not child innocent curiosity and you seem to do it sustainedly, obsessively, not just as an experiment or experience. Obsessive actions are enjoyable in nature.
You are literal because you like the attention it gives you, not because you have trouble not being or you miss hints and nuances. Again, that is narcissism not autism.
Need of constant stimulation is popular in narcissists, they get bored fast, easily. You must realize this forum is not very attractive in terms of traffic to support your neverending attention needs, I guess it could be a new thing for you, though.
Your friends need to stop suggesting mental illnesses on you, the poor things probably don't realize they're guiding you to websites with disorders that don't have much to do with you, not websites for fun or for narcissist needs and growth. They probably talked or read about it but they don't understand what it is or how to distinguish, or maybe they're just trying to protect you or themselves from the truth. People get emotional sometimes.