Unable to join alternative/counter culture communities

[Deleted User]

From what I’ve observed, people on the spectrum tend to find success in joining alternative and counter culture communities when they don’t fit in with mainstream NT society. 

I’ve always been an outsider in the culture I live in. I just can’t get excited about sports, especially football and basketball, and I hate how the private school I was made to go to had the class I was a part of attend pep rallies even though I had no intention of going to any of the sports games and I only cheered because everyone else was doing it so I felt like I had to do so even though my heart was not in it. I was made to go to church but never did I once feel like going gave me a purpose or that God even cared for me. I was also bullied by other kids at church. There are countless churches in my city and even those who drink, smoke, and have pre-marital sex go to them because they like using the “God forgives all sins unless you are gay or non-Christian.” excuse to justify their actions as well as the fact they also serve as meeting places for those who vote for the GOP. I find these places sickening and hypocritical. Country music as well as pop, rap, and, to a lesser extent, mainstream rock is listened to the most among people here. I find it all mind numbing and boring. 

I’ve made attempts to find my niche and to be a part of something but my attempts always end up being disappointing. Either things start off promising but then they fizzle out or I hit instant dead ends. The most prominent example has to be when I used to attend a Meet Up group called The Collective and it was advertised as a group for fans of science fiction as well as gaming. I actually managed to have regular conversations and join in on some of the games for the first few years I was a part of it but it was only intermittently. Other times, I was pushed to the wayside because I didn’t drink, smoke, or have sexual tales to boast about so I was often sitting on the sidelines alone and wondering what to do. I finally stopped going after a long string of getting pushed into the background, rejection by people who I thought I could’ve been friends with, and the group leader’s girlfriend chewing me out for something completely trivial. 

I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t even know what I am supposed to be.