Things my mind tells me constantly

1. “I am 32 and I can’t even get a coffee date. That is pathetic.”

2. “I can’t even get a date through a dating site or app while every other guy can. That is proof I can’t succeed.”

3. “I didn’t date in high school. I can’t develop any dating skills because of that.”

4. “I missed out on the psychosocial moratorium because I was socially isolated and wasn’t allowed to experiment. This means I am doomed to never learn new social skills.”

5. “My brain stopped developing when I was 25 and I was still socially isolated. My brain can’t make new neural connections thus it can’t undergo neural plasticity.”

6. “Unless I drink or smoke, I can’t have a social life.”

7. “No one wants to make new friends these days because they already have enough and don’t want to make any new ones.”

8. “Why do others tell me not to kill myself but on the same token they don’t want me to have a girlfriend which is the root cause of my depressed feelings?”


  • Statest16Statest16 Citizen, Mentor
    Sounds like "OCD with intrusive thoughts" most likely
    There is medicine for that

    There is a good video on youtube on that by "Anya Darlow" very disturbing video but you might want to check out.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited April 2021
    Intrusive thought exists in a number of conditions, however a CBT type approach can help, among other methodologies. I suggest CBT becuase it can directly break down statement such as above, and it has helped me. I could give technical terms and and examples, but I think probably you might prefer  to research it yourself so it not me imposing my own thinking about it, and you could get professional opinion. I woudl supply them with above as that woudl be a typical starting point.

    It can help with depression, especially if depression is situational. Also with anxiety.
  • CBT can be great therapy for autistic people, but only if the therapist understands adult autism -- which a lot of psychotherapists still don't, alas.  Markness will need to look around for a therapist who does.  Either GRASP or the local Autism Society might be able to provide referrals.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    edited April 2021

    Also some known some proponent can use strange analogies which can be overly specific. There was one the went on about ants, had no idea what he was on about.  I think it important the you have an adaptable tool.

    A book by Gillian Butler was the first CBT reference that really helped me grasp it as a concept. I had been to a lecture by someone well know in this field, but found myself wondering how to apply it to myself.

    What I like about Gillian's book was, although she worked in a specific area of SA/SP,  she wrote he book in such a way as to avoid assumptions and avoided too many metaphors and analogies, and explained the principle of CBT in such a way it could be adapted to different things.

    One adaptation for me, is as I am hyper-analytical,  is it not a case that questioning my fundamental beliefs through deductive reasoning alone is positive. As I will go only analysing to many ,many levels and may not stop for a long time. Any point you jump off could be a "conclusion" becuase few thing in life have a absolute answer. What I realised was whether I was attempting to challenge my thinking or simply in a negative though pattern, both could be neurotic.  I realised was I could recognised the pattern of when this was putting me under greater stress, in terms of physical and other connotative signs. Then I intentionally introduced noise and meaningless information  to deliberately disrupt my thought patterns. It a similar in concept to mindfulness, but is instigated differently.  
  • edited April 2021
    9. “The number of single women in the US is dropping rapidly and by the time I will be considered “ok”, it’ll be too late because there won’t be anymore single women.”

    10. “Every woman I find attractive in my area is either in a relationship or is married.”

    11. “I might have to become a Christian again if I want a relationship even though growing up in the church didn’t get me one.”

    12. “I don’t want to live past 35 the way my life is going. It’s been a nightmare since 2006 and it doesn’t feel right at all.”
  • I have a “tape” in my head that constantly tells me that I am a failure in life. Not just because I don’t have a girlfriend but also because all my other dreams have fallen and smashed on the ground. I could never get skilled at the guitar and write songs despite how I had dreams of making music my life. I can’t write fiction because I keep getting writer’s block despite how I want to create my own fictional worlds. I can’t draw on the level I wish I was at because the process of becoming a good artist is so daunting and my poor hand writing translates to drawing. I also still live with my mother, don’t have a college degree, and am considered a “loser” by society. The thoughts I have feel apt since I haven’t been able to overcome my challenges and others continue to mock me. 
  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen
    Moved to Other Conditions
  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen
    This sounds like intrusive thoughts Markness, have you ever researched/read about it?
  • Statest16Statest16 Citizen, Mentor
    Like I have said before likely OCD with intrusive thoughts
  • BenderBender Citizen
    Amity said:
    This sounds like intrusive thoughts Markness, have you ever researched/read about it?
    Statest16 said:
    Like I have said before likely OCD with intrusive thoughts
  • Amity said:
    This sounds like intrusive thoughts Markness, have you ever researched/read about it?
    I have and it’s honestly impossible for me to get rid of the thoughts because I see so many things that reinforce them. I see couples everywhere I go, I know many people who got to make music their life or are at least skilled at their instruments, I know people who can create stories on the fly, and I have friends who can draw with little to no trouble. I’ve been mocked for still living with my mother, I always answer no when I am asked if I am in college or have a degree, and I have been told I am “loser”. 

    If I don’t have a relationship by the time I turn 33 this year, I don’t want to live for much longer. 
  • Statest16Statest16 Citizen, Mentor
    Watch the Anya Darlow video on youtube about OCD with Intrusive thoughts
  • I really don’t think anything can be done to help me. My brain resists treatment and society considers me trash.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    It is about a cycle.

    The resisting change is learned and conditioned, this is a well understood pattern.

    You have to first accept you are consciously resisting out of fear. Even your response here is an example of that.

    But people will take it as you not wanting help. Though you will fluctuate between asking for help then effectively rejecting it, which will confuse those not experienced. Most folk here just aren't equipped or qualified to provide this coaching. It is more something you would do with somebody trained but it is very possible.

    This is what CBT is good at. It would use the statement like you just made which is the cognitive (thoughts) side as look at the behavioural side. You have to try and reserve judgement.
  • I really don’t have anymore patience for life. I’ve lived for 32 years and my life has been torturous. My parents constantly emotionally abused me, my older brother emotionally as well as physically abused me, and some of my cousins did the same. I was terrorized at school and still get bullied at work. 

    Everyone I see out in public has company with them and even the people in group therapy mention having friends as well as relationships. Some even talk about their sexual experiences. I’ve always been told I can’t be depressed and have a relationship but these people are depressed and have relationships. It makes my head spin. I don’t even want to continue group therapy at this rate. 

    It feels too unrealistic to just behave like I am not bothered by being lonely and not having a relationship. I am thinking I need to start a suicide plan if my 33rd birthday passes and I am still the same. 
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    Markness please talk to your brother. I agree that group therapy probably isn't appropriate currently. Tell him you need a proper assessment regarding your negative thought patterns and a more one to one intervention. It is important to first understand.
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