Communication post lock-down
Amity
Administrator, Citizen
I'm noticing of late that the more I need to communicate over a period of time, be it a day a week etc, whether its written/spoken the more autistic I seem in my abilities.
Like reading things more literally, speaking more literally, theory of mind blocks about what my words communicate too.
Post lock-down I'm really noticing the before and after, I didn't need to use my masking skills much and I'm essentially out of practice.
Anyone else relate?
Comments
Yes, especially after switching to working from home - I don't have to talk to strangers anymore or do small talk. I was completely taken aback the other day when the cashier at the supermarket asked me a question
It's like I'm losing all my masking skills very fast. I have mixed feelings about this.
Yup, it's hard to mask now. I've even noticed I have almost straight up forgotten some strategies I use to mask.
I can relate but mine started after my stroke when I wasn't allowed to drive for four years, and I became even more housebound / introverted than before. I lost all the will and skill to interact with people on a superficial level. I think the stroke itself caused me to lose my masking ability because the cerebellum is responsible for fine-tuning our thinking, perception, and actions. I'm definitely not fine-tuned anymore! Then, being home so much reinforced it exactly like you described above, Amity. I feel like I can't mask any more even if I try. Somehow the bandage was torn off my brain and I can't fake it now.
Covid has been nice because I feel justified in ignoring people, but unfortunately I've had more contact with people lately than I've had in the past five years, all because of my mother's and daughter's ongoing medical appointments which are pushing me over the edge socially. It's really hard to deal with humans again.
Masking is something I didn't have to worry much about before the virus so nothing has changed much. My version of masking is just remembering to look at the person talking to me instead of at something else or just staring off into space.
My version of masking is pretending to be happy to see people (including doctors, professionals etc.), and pretending to do small talk. I could never do much more than that. I've never done eye contact, not even by faking it.
I can actually do eye contact through training but I doubt I do it right at all. Probably more a thing where people talk about someone burning holes in you with their eyes or that the lights are on but nobody is at home.
I would be the same way. I'm even more freaked out by the idea of the other person looking at my eyes. That really makes me uncomfortable. I wish Covid masks went over our eyes instead of our mouths. I wear sunglasses because of sensitivity to light but also because I don't like people seeing my eyes.
I've made a concious effort to reduce communication since my Dx and C19 has made it even easier. Masking is ingrained in me so it's difficult to drop. I tend to only drop my mask when I'm home or seeing Doctors.
Facemask and sunglasses are great. Except the facemask fogs up the lenses. It's always something lol.
I'm actually kind of diggin' the face masks. One step closer to disappearing in public.
I feel the same way.
I didn't go out much before Covid, but after it I don't really go to the store, see family members, or go to many appointments any more either.
Masking for me is emulating a proper tone for things, forcing myself to make eye contact, finding things to do stim wise that are more socially acceptable and not as noticeable, etc.
I noticed when I went with my brother to meet his friend I couldn't really mask properly at all, since I don't mask around my family anymore and haven't had to for so long. If I don't practice those things often it's like I lose those skills and have to relearn them.
I find this too, the mixed feelings, those skills are hard learned, but easy to loose.
Ive reached points recently in communications where I just couldn't hide the autism.
Not that I want to hide it, but it's better for me from a work perspective if I try to.
I don't stim very much in public. At least, not my main ones that would make me stand out in extremely obvious ways. I do rock, twirl, pace, etc. which likely makes me appear more impatient or immature than autistic. Eye contact, communication, and empathy (intuition or reading people) remain big obstacles for me. When I was working full-time I didn't know I was autistic. I think it would be really hard to be self-aware, and aware of my masking, whilst also working and feeling exposed. Part of me thinks I would be vocal and proud about my autism and the other half of me laughs out loud, because I know I'd never be that bold.
For me, it just makes it easier to "get along" in certain situations, not stand out too much and deal with minor, daily interactions. I like being able to choose if I do it or not, so I'd rather keep some of those skills.
It's basically what I taught my son too: it's his choice whether or when he wants to mask or not, being a benefits/costs type of decision.
^That makes sense, to view it as a choice. It's excellent that your son has an autistic role model to guide him.
From a typical perspective people are constantly communicating with their body language, an ever present flow of information being sent and recieved.
Ive realised Im not really aware of what others are communicating in this way, unless it's very obvious.
Remembering to keep open body language and being mindful of the words I use is more difficult now.
We are back into a lockdown again, I think perhaps this time I might occasionally practice some typical communication on unsuspecting family members. Last lockdown I embraced the natural way of being for me and it was great, but some typical communication is needed to pay the bills
This is a worry for me as well. I'm going to be interviewing/networking soon to get my toe in a new career. In the back of my mind I'm constantly running through how to appear capable, intelligent, and somewhat normal.
Congrats on going after a new career, AnmeBonney, interviews are a challenge, though I find that the more of them I do in a block period the better they progressively get. I haven't had secure work in over a decade and it means I do many interviews. Applying for jobs (that I have no interest in) just to do practice interviews and sharpen myself up is something that helps when I know a fixed term contract was coming to an end.
I don't take the mock/role play interviews seriously.