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  • To be fair there are good people there but there's also a tendency by some to rubbish tests, with very little solid reason for doing so. It was a short high range test, and I did OK - 87.5% right(14/16). The other test 93.3% right(28/30). The odd thing is that the person having suggested I was foolish for taking the first test mentioned has given me good scores on his tests. He is/was(not sure whether he's retired) an educational consultant and psychometrician.

  • Teach51Teach51 Citizen
    edited February 2021

    @firemonkey said:
    Feeling useless and worthless. My self confidence is little more than gossamer thin. I'm totally useless at so many things. In a vain attempt to convince myself I had one thing I'm not totally useless at (coupled with an autistic interest in tests) I joined a site that discusses IQ tests. On Wednesday the test I got the best score on was rubbished. Yesterday I posted the result of another test, and that too was rubbished, along with being replied to as though I'm really stupid. I've been ruminating and ruminating and am struggling to get past feeling crap.

    Having to accept there's nothing you are good at, and indeed for most things aren't even average at is a bitter pill to swallow.

    Truth is I'm fat,ugly,stupid,useless and worthless.

    I call that "stinking thinking" and whenever I get to a low point where other people work hard to bully or negate me, awaken the beast of insecurity and self-doubt I start to have a dialogue with myself and call myself "baby love," talk to myself lovingly and soothingly as if I am the most precious woman on earth. I was never nurtured in childhood and I find it really helps me to nurture myself now . If someone gossips about me, gaslights me (there are such poor misguided souls who thrive on harming others) I just say to myself "babylove you really are the best you can be, well done!"
    I don't judge myself or anyone else by achievement but by purity of heart, intention and a moral compass.

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen

    @firemonkey said:
    Feeling useless and worthless. My self confidence is little more than gossamer thin. I'm totally useless at so many things. In a vain attempt to convince myself I had one thing I'm not totally useless at (coupled with an autistic interest in tests) I joined a site that discusses IQ tests. On Wednesday the test I got the best score on was rubbished. Yesterday I posted the result of another test, and that too was rubbished, along with being replied to as though I'm really stupid. I've been ruminating and ruminating and am struggling to get past feeling crap.

    Having to accept there's nothing you are good at, and indeed for most things aren't even average at is a bitter pill to swallow.

    Truth is I'm fat,ugly,stupid,useless and worthless.

    I used to say those things to myself aswell, I was in a low place at the time, it was an ingrained form of self harm, i genuinely believed those things about myself.

    You have grandchildren Firemonkey? If they struggled with something would the tone you take with yourself be more helpful or harmful to them?

    It has the same impact on you, I would guess.

    Do you measure yourself against typicaly developed peers or 'us' your autistic peers?

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen

    @Hylian Just to say I think you are a good person with a kind heart. Sending hugs and love your way ☺

  • firemonkeyfiremonkey Citizen
    edited February 2021

    @Amity said:

    You have grandchildren Firemonkey? If they struggled with something would the tone you take with yourself be more helpful or harmful to them?

    It has the same impact on you, I would guess.

    Do you measure yourself against typicaly developed peers or 'us' your autistic peers?

    I encourage my granddaughters as much as I can. They're both great mothers.

    Plenty of people on that FB group get better scores than me. I do not hesitate to tell them they've done well. I probably do compare myself more to typically developed peers. Also I'm much older than most of them in that group, and not college/university educated . The vast majority of them are. In fact I've not done anything academic since Spring 1976.

    My score is the 2nd to last 168. I'm debating whether to remove it as it's supposedly a really easy test according to several people. The test creator is not liked because he had a manic episode and upset a few people.

    http://www.psiq.org/home.html

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen

    @firemonkey said:

    @Amity said:

    You have grandchildren Firemonkey? If they struggled with something would the tone you take with yourself be more helpful or harmful to them?

    It has the same impact on you, I would guess.

    Do you measure yourself against typicaly developed peers or 'us' your autistic peers?

    I encourage my granddaughters as much as I can. They're both great mothers.

    Plenty of people on that FB group get better scores than me. I do not hesitate to tell them they've done well. I probably do compare myself more to typically developed peers. Also I'm much older than most of them in that group, and not college/university educated . The vast majority of them are. In fact I've not done anything academic since Spring 1976.

    My score is the 2nd to last 168. I'm debating whether to remove it as it's supposedly a really easy test according to several people. The test creator is not liked because he had a manic episode and upset a few people.

    http://www.psiq.org/home.html

    ^ I took a look and I might be biased, but anyone who elevates themselves at the cost of others has issues of their own. I find those actions say much more about them, than on the people they are commenting on. I have a feeling that the site might attract those types. Then again Ive never cared much for competition.

    I have dyscalculia to the point that numbers start to jumble literally the second I attempt to keep them in my working memory. My mum is a numbers person and compared me to others in childhood in a most detrimental way, I carried her words inside me, as my internal dialogue for years. Thick stupid useless lazy bitch was my silent mantra.
    School was horrendously cruel, with 2 teachers in particular being evil and sadistic, plenty of slaps with the side of a wooden ruler... With such support, how could I fail (sarcasm).

    Today I would only compare myself to a person with a similar level of dyscalculia, same age group, similar childhood environment, similar educational experience etc and even at that I would only see anothers abilities as a general benchmark.

    And also, I changed my self talk to a nurturing tone, Teach and I have much in common in that regard. If you are told and you tell yourself something detrimental often enough, a person starts to believe it. The same is true of realistic yet positive messages.

  • I'm not a maths genius by any stretch of the imagination. It took 2 attempts to get maths O Level. That was because there was a lot of geometry questions the first time. I'm very poor at geometry.

    My parents didn't berate me education wise. In fact they were very much opposite to the parents who give a child an ear bashing for not coming 1st in the class. My academic performance was on a downhill slide from about the age of 9.5. There were no signs of concern from my parents. In fact at a point where the decline had increased , due to severe mental illness starting, my father was talking about what he'd do if I got to Cambridge or Oxford|!

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen

    Its almost like two different realities, your experience of your mental health challenges not being recognised and your parents perception that all was well.

    This is a personal piece and I'm not asking for an answer, just thoughts to pause on perhaps.

    In the gap between your lived reality and how people perceived you (as an older child to a young man) what reasons did you come up with for the discrepancy? What did you tell yourself about the unknowns?
    Is it your own words when you put yourself down?
    Are there messages from other people that you may have received often enough to internalise them?

  • My parents argued a lot. It was not unusual to blame me for that. My mother used to describe me as an awkward baby, toddler,child, teenager etc. I think,to some degree it was indifference on their part, with the urge to argue with each other dominating all else. I also think the negative assessment for the 'S' word,when I was 5/6,was a part of it. Like a lot of parents they buried their heads in the sand. They could say that I was awkward/clumsy/shy/withdrawn/stuttered etc , but joining it all together was a whole different thing.


    As for the put down it's as much negative experiences with psych professionals as my parents actions/behaviours that have made my self confidence and self esteem very fragile. I have a good mental health team now, but that doesn't wipe out the hurt and pain of previous experiences.


  • An update on the criticism of that test. I hadn't revealed how much the score was out of  on that FB group.   When I did, 14/16, someone said it was a brilliant score and I got  quite a few 'likes' .
  • kraftiekortiekraftiekortie Citizen
    edited February 2021
    Even if it doesn’t erase the bad experiences from your mind, could good therapy and good experiences mitigate your past hurts somewhat?
  • Even if it doesn’t erase the bad experiences from your mind, could good therapy and good experiences mitigate your past hurts somewhat?
    After having had 2 therapists  who adopted an 'If you want to be a good person approach...' ,which was  judgemental and presumptuous , I'm wary about therapy. It would have to be someone who was intelligent, kind, and supportive Someone who listened and didn't dismiss for the sake of dismissing.

    As for pleasant experiences-life is much better now than it was. The biggest thing about  the past hurts is the failure  to get anywhere near fulfilling the potential I had. However it's a situation that's both complicated and contradictory . If I had fulfilled my potential I very likely wouldn't have known my wonderful  wife, and wonderful stepdaughter etc. The 'butterfly effect'(?) springs to mind.

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen
    I believe that peer support is essential for the ASD community, social disability does not equate to being *an island, we are human, not ETs 😋.
    *

    'No Man is an Island'

    No man is an island entire of itself; every man 
    is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; 
    if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe 
    is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as 
    well as any manner of thy friends or of thine 
    own were; any man's death diminishes me, 
    because I am involved in mankind. 
    And therefore never send to know for whom 
    the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 
    
    
    Olde English Version
    No man is an Iland, intire of itselfe; every man
    is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine;
    if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe
    is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as
    well as if a Manor of thy friends or of thine
    owne were; any mans death diminishes me,
    because I am involved in Mankinde;
    And therefore never send to know for whom
    the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.
    
    MEDITATION XVII
    Devotions upon Emergent Occasions
    John Donne 
    
    https://web.cs.dal.ca/~johnston/poetry/island.html



  • Of course, we are human.  We are not robots!

    I wish you, Firemonkey, had decent support in the past.

    But I believe you are out of the fog, and that you see things better, and that you have 30 years or more to make yourself more happy and content within your everyday existence.

    I don’t believe in the notion that autistic folks necessarily have a reduced lifespan.  I bet you will live to Captain Tom’s age.
  • Coasting

    I'm coasting through a date on the calendar which normally triggers me.  I'm coasting through sunshine on snow, which normally triggers me.  I'm coasting through a physio appointment with my mother (the first since December), which normally triggers me.   I feel centred and calm.   It's a good thing, and I'm grateful for it. 


  • BenderBender Citizen
    Shitty day to end a shitty week. I'm mentally drained again.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    Bender said:
    Shitty day to end a shitty week. I'm mentally drained again.
    I hope you have a better weekend.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    verity said:
    Bender said:
    Shitty day to end a shitty week. I'm mentally drained again.
    I hope you have a better weekend.
    Thank you, verity, I had to deal with some insane people this week, but I'm already taking the evening and weekend off for relaxation and recharging purposes.

    Have a nice weekend everybody  🙂
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Bender said:
    Shitty day to end a shitty week. I'm mentally drained again.
    I'm sorry to hear your week was so exhausting. :( I also hope that you are able to have a better weekend.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    Thank you, Hylian, I hope you're faring a bit better these days too :)
  • Teach51Teach51 Citizen
    edited March 2021
    Sending hugs to all. I have had a very difficult week also. 


  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    Teach51 said:
    Sending hugs to all. I have had a very difficult week also. 


    Hugs Teach back. 🤗 I hope your weekend goes a lot better and that you can relax like Bender.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    Woke up to the news that they found E.coli in the water supply of a town close-by to where I'm staying. Low levels, but who wants to take chances with something like this?

    *Off to stock up on water now*
  • Teach51Teach51 Citizen
    Good you heard the news!

    I am feeling totally frazzled. I underwent a treatment for CPTSD that operates on my nervous system and I am totally out of sync with myself and everything else. I was told it may last a couple of weeks.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    Try to get some rest if you can and take it easy for a while 🙂
  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor
    My arm is pretty sore, though I'm happy that I was able to get my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine yesterday.
  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen
    Hylian said:
    My arm is pretty sore, though I'm happy that I was able to get my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine yesterday.

    Nice one. It generally goes with two days.
  • Teach51Teach51 Citizen
    Hylian said:
    My arm is pretty sore, though I'm happy that I was able to get my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine yesterday.
    Good! 
  • There's no rhyme or reason to it, but woke up feeling like I'm a complete, and  utter,useless fraud.
  • BenderBender Citizen
    There's no rhyme or reason to it, but woke up feeling like I'm a complete, and  utter,useless fraud.
    I have this kind of days too. Try to take it easy and distract yourself, the worse you could do is obsess about it.

    You always come across as a very genuine person for what it's worth.
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