Going mute when distressed
Hylian
Citizen, Mentor
Does anyone else have an issue with not really being able to talk when faced with confrontation of any kind, or just when upset in general?
When I get very distressed I often feel like my vocal chords have been paralyzed, because even though I want to talk I can't manage to do so. At most I can make certain noises or sometimes get short words/sentences out. I learned to speak on time, but when this happens it's like my brain completely forgets how to. It's very frustrating, especially when someone is upset with me because they think I'm just refusing to talk to them, and then they get even more angry. Trying to do so just also makes me more irritated and makes the situation worse.
Do you know of any ways to get yourself to talk when this happens? I've tried alternatives to talking like writing things and gesturing, but people often don't like me doing those things because they know I can usually talk and they don't get that I can't.
Comments
YES!!!
One of the banes of my life: knowing that a response is required by formal etiquette, but having neither thoughts to speak nor vocal control to do so if I had them.
Most of my meltdowns occur when I’ve got into this state and am continually pushed for an answer as the other person gets louder and more frustrated.
Think it’s very difficult easy for folks to misinterpret as deliberate withdrawal and unwillingness to hear or discuss whatever it is with them.
No, most folks don’t like alternatives to speech...
This is how most of my meltdowns happen, too. People then get upset with me for acting like that, even though I don't like having meltdowns and wouldn't have had one if they didn't push me to do something I physically can't, and if I explain that then they say I should have just spoke to them instead.
I don't get why it's so hard for people to understand what going mute is.
I assume it’s because they don’t experience it themselves: the idea that a person can go completely blank inside and lose all ability to control their voice box is too alien to comprehend, particularly if there’s only one person they know who’s affected in this way.
Hi @Hylian
Yes I can relate to your involuntary loss of speech. I lose my voice frequently, sometimes because of stress and interpersonal problems, but sometimes for no known reason. At these times my ability for self-expression shuts down completely and I can't even write what I'm feeling. It's very frustrating for others who think that I go mute by choice, or that I'm refusing to communicate. In reality it's just as you describe: an inability for my vocal cords to work. In some cases I can't even process words, feelings, or conversation in my mind, silently. It does alienate people when they think that I'm ignoring them. I suppose people fear the worst and assume I'm upset, when in actuality I'm just unable to communicate.
I'm diagnosed with Selective Mutism which I think should be called Involuntary Mutism. "Selective" makes it sound like I have a choice where and when to speak. Sometimes my mutism happens even when I'm very happy. Combine this with alexithymia / dysthymia, and it's very hard for me to express myself in interpersonal relationships, especially if there's conflict involved or I stand the risk of miscommunication. I tend to let the feelings build up until I explode (unhealthy / unproductive), or else I stay in shut down and nothing gets accomplished. I'm working with OT to find workarounds, but it isn't easy. Journalling has been the biggest help for me, so far. It allows me to get my thoughts on paper as a starting point. There are some days I can't find the words to journal, but it's a start. On those days I can try to interpret my interoceptive cues so I'll have an idea what I'm thinking.
If I go mute when I'm mid-conversation with someone either verbally or in a written format, I don't try to break through the barrier. It's proven easier to explain mutism to them when I'm able to talk. Perhaps sending them some links or information when you are both feeling communicative, would help.
In short, I'm sorry that you're experiencing mutism. Are you able to access any type of support from a therapist or OT? Have you done much reading about Selective Mutism? I think I may have started a thread here. I think this is an important topic and I hope that more people can contribute.
I haven't read a lot about selective mutism because whenever I do I just find things about kids and them not talking at school/around extended family/etc. which doesn't apply to me. I have had this issue since I was a kid, but it's not really "anxiety" about talking to people, I just can't talk since getting upset overwhelms my brain so much.
I also don't really have insurance anymore or the money to see a therapist, but I've wanted to go to one when I can get a job.
I'll try getting some links and info about mutism to have on hand and to show people when this happens.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/3k8qbn/what-its-like-to-have-a-phobia-of-talking-591ee0fa9a1a8cda6a2ca30e
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-33507287
I know these aren't perfect. Most are about social anxiety and phobia of communication, which is different than shutting down in the midst of conflict. Regardless, I hope that resources such as these will help your friends and family to understand how it feels to experience mutism. Perhaps they can help to open the door and you could discuss the fact that SM happens for you primarily during interpersonal conflict. Reassure them that it is not meant to be an avoidance technique, but it manifests from emotional overload.
It might help if you also share resources about Alexithymia, to explain how you feel in the moment of conflict without having effective strategies for self-advocacy.
I'll keep looking. Hang in there, @Hylian.
Given the emotional overload and resulting shut down of linguistic processing and expression that you describe, it may be that you have been slightly misdiagnosed in terms of having "Selective" Mutism, as it seems more likely that you have it's diagnostic twin ~ "Psychogenic" Mutism, instead.
Psychogenic Mutism
Psychogenic mutism manifests itself in the absence of reciprocal and spontaneous speech with a safe ability to talk and understand the speech addressed to the patient. This syndrome can be observed in the picture of conversion disorders[1]. Another form of neurotic mutism in children is an elective (selective, emerging when communicating with only one person) mutism.
https://iliveok.com/health/sudden-loss-speech-causes-symptoms-diagnostics_77226i16005.html
[1] Conversion Disorder
Conversion disorder, or functional neurologic symptom disorder, is a diagnostic category used in some psychiatric classification systems. It is sometimes applied to patients who present with neurological symptoms, such as numbness, blindness, paralysis, or fits, which are not consistent with a well-established organic cause, which cause significant distress, and can be traced back to a psychological trigger.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_disorder
Autism Spectrum Disorder or Asperger's Syndrome can be considered as foundations for Conversion Disorders, given that the neurological organisation of those on the spectrum appears to involve being in a constant state of freeze, hide, flight or fight ~ which when fully triggered can wholly suspend linguistic processing and expression, given that either silence to avoid prey ~ or screaming to startle aggressors; is all that the survival reflexes allow directly ~ when they have completely taken over as autonomous functioning.
One article covers Psychogenic Mutism as follows:
What Is Psychogenic Mutism?
Mutism can be caused by a number of conditions, including deafness, speech delays, and developmental disabilities. But psychogenic mutism occurs when someone—usually a child—who is capable of speaking stops speaking. A child who meets a stranger and does not respond to questions is exhibiting a moment of psychogenic mutism. When mutism lasts longer than brief periods of time, however, it can inhibit communication and may require treatment. In most cases, the mutism occurs only in certain contexts, such as in school or large groups. Rarely does mutism occur in all contexts.
While it might seem like a person with psychogenic mutism is simply refusing to speak, they actually feel physically unable to speak, and forcing the person to speak is unlikely to work. Some of the causes of psychogenic mutism may be general anxiety or past trauma. For example, a child who is learning to speak might stop speaking if he or she is molested or threatened.
Treatment for Psychogenic Mutism
Treatment usually centers around discovering and addressing the underlying cause of the mutism. Treating therapists and physicians should rule out other causes, such as throat pain, injuries, hearing problems, or developmental delays. Psychotherapy to resolve the underlying conditions or stressors is often helpful. In some cases, anti-anxiety medications prescribed by a psychiatrist or doctor are utilized as part of treatment for psychogenic mutism.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/psychogenic-mutism
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@Isabella
Thank you for these links! I think they will help people understand a bit better, even if they don't entirely fit into what I'm experiencing. Sorry for not responding quickly or that well, I'm actually really overwhelmed right now (and am ironically mute irl right now because of it lmao).
@Deepthought
That's really interesting, I didn't know psychogenic mutism was a thing. I'll try to look up more about it because now I'm interested in how it differs from selective mutism.
Thank you @deepthought.
I have certainly experienced mutism in relation to my trauma. My SM was diagnosed as a child prior to trauma, and the two are quite distinct because my SM happens on its own, unrelated to my emotional state.
Thank you for the links, though.
I hope they are of use to @hylian as well.
I just discovered that my OT is affiliated with a clinic which offers Speech-Language Pathology for autistic children, and those with ADHD or Tourette's. It doesn't say "adults", but it's a start - and I'm already a patient at that clinic for OT, Psychology, and Neuropsychiatry. I'm hopeful.
I did speech therapy as a child, and again after my stroke, but haven't been able to find services for mutism as an adult or more specifically for autistic / ADHD adults. I'm keen to research this new possibility.
If I do connect I'll post everything that I learn here, @Hylian.