Family system collapsing - help!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego_depletion
I believe this term is the key for what's going on.
Remote schooling of a special needs child is too much and we're losing grip again - I fantasize about suicide, husband randomly bursts with anger.
It's not general unhappiness - it's inability to hold it after months of struggle.
And our "NT" child, while doing well on remote schooling, is getting wild from not enough social life.
And our diagnosed child just switches off.

I need to somehow rebuild it again. Seek solutions. But I'm depleted.

Comments

  • Prometheus81Prometheus81 Citizen, Member

    This is one of the cruellest things about the (to my mind) unnecessary COVID restrictions. I don't know where you live, but are the schools really all shut? Perhaps you could arrange for your son or daughter to visit friends at your or their home?

  • Statest16Statest16 Citizen, Mentor

    See a someone and get some meds maybe anti-anxiety,it feels like your panicking

  • @Prometheus81 said:
    This is one of the cruellest things about the (to my mind) unnecessary COVID restrictions. I don't know where you live, but are the schools really all shut? Perhaps you could arrange for your son or daughter to visit friends at your or their home?

    Unfortunately, where I live, school closures are necessary because the healthcare system is not able to treat all the patients who need it - resulting in death rate more than doubled country-wide.

  • @magpie said:

    @Prometheus81 said:
    This is one of the cruellest things about the (to my mind) unnecessary COVID restrictions. I don't know where you live, but are the schools really all shut? Perhaps you could arrange for your son or daughter to visit friends at your or their home?

    Unfortunately, where I live, school closures are necessary because the healthcare system is not able to treat all the patients who need it - resulting in death rate more than doubled country-wide before it slowed a bit after the lockdown.

  • Yes: are you able to book telephone appointments with your doctor to discuss this?
    Are there some form of social services you can reach out to for aid/succour?
    Or reputable therapists doing online sessions?

  • I have no sensible suggestions other than those which have been given. I can just say that I hope very much that you will find the necessary help soon and that your precious family will all feel better magpie. Holding you in my heart.

  • "My doctor"? I don't have one. Only a psychiatrist.
    Anti-anxiety meds mainly give me extrapyramidal effects that usually increase my anxiety because I cope worse with everyday tasks. I'm on antidepressants and insomnia drugs.
    I just took a 2h walk and feel... not exactly better but more gathered. I probably need to give more leeway to myself and the diagnosed daughter - we just need rest.

  • verityverity Administrator, Citizen

    Don't have too many words of wisdom other than ensure you are communicating with each other about what you are struggling with.

  • Just a thought: one of my nephews who is very sociable (aged six) has maintained a degree of the social interaction he needs by having regular telephone & zoom calls with a small number of his friends from school/church... would it be possible to sort something of that nature for your NT child?

  • Many of my clients, stuck at home, have become great zoomers. People I never thought would be able to use the technology or make the effort are spending hours on zoom with their friends, or with a learning program their friends are using. I wonder if there are any zoom fun learning programs where you are? Or if you can even access an international program.

    When I was living alone with my FFD who is ADHD, very active and the cutest ball of energy, I would just hold her and explained quietly that I needed a nap. When she was little, she took a nap too. Later I set her up with a bunch of toys and she played quietly in her room while I napped.

    dear magpie, wishing you many spoons.

    (((magpie)))

  • BenderBender Citizen
    edited December 2020

    I can commiserate, although it's easier for us since the kids are older. Still, this year has been so much harder and broke our normal flow: address individual problems as they come, take time to recover etc.

    It's also more difficult when all members of the household are under pressure at the same time and have limited access to their usual de-stressing activities.

    Aside from what already suggested, it sounds like you're in desperate need to have regular time for yourself, even for short periods of time daily. Not just a walk every now and then, something more reliable if possible, especially since aside from homeschooling and caring for the kids, most of the tasks meant to maintain the emotional health of your family seem to also fall mostly on you.

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen
    edited December 2020

    @magpie Will the Christmas holidays help by reducing the home schooling pressures?

    From what I can tell its almost 2 weeks off school, Magpie you need downtime, your cup is empty but you are still pouring from it.

    Would it be possible to set aside time each day to be by yourself? Can your husband manage the kids for a few days by himself? Even if only for one night could you book into a hotel, just you.
    The 26-28th are days that don't have the traditional expectations attached to them, plus its over a weekend so your hubby might not be working?

  • You're a very smart lady, Magpie. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    I'm glad you took the 2-hour walk-----probably 10K?

    The above suggestions are very good suggestions.

  • Thanks.
    The Christmas will be a break in homeschooling but I can't escape the social obligations that typically render me ill. Covid is not enough to prevent my familly from meeting, at least I insisted on getting us tested before.
    Later, there will be a week we'll get rid of children, leaving them with their cousins - if all goes well.

    Right now, I need to afford a long walk every day - that's realistic and should help.
    I have no idea how long my walks are, I just start walking, get lost in the woods, then, when I decide to come back, I just check on my compass which direction is back to civilisation. I have no idea where exactly I go and I don't care for it.

  • ^
    Getting alone time every day combined with daily exercise (especially outside and close to nature) usually makes a really big difference for me. I hope it helps you too.

  • Sending strength to you, magpie.

  • @Isabella said:
    Sending strength to you, magpie.

    Indeed, I hope you make it through these days in one piece and get some much-needed rest afterwards 🥄🥄🥄

  • Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.
    ~ Charlotte Brontë


    @magpie,
    I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I wish I could help you with your children, and give you time on your own for self-care.

    Please check in when you have a moment, so we know you are OK.

    ❤

  • https://www.who.int/campaigns/connecting-the-world-to-combat-coronavirus/healthyathome/healthyathome---mental-health?gclid=Cj0KCQiA_qD_BRDiARIsANjZ2LAnXmv9Yag4HR-d1-g0pZuQsjKfn_KYGV9qm2Qbr2Af99UJqcpK614aAsqCEALw_wcB

    I found this resource for families struggling with mental health during Covid. I hope even one idea can help, although I'm sure you're doing the best and the most that you can.

  • Thanks.
    The Christmas is over and I feel it like a burden off my back.
    Much better now.

    Thanks for all the spoons, they helped me survive!

  • You have a good brain under your skull. I'm glad you were able to fully make use of your spoons because of that brain.

  • So glad to hear things are somewhat better. Keep taking care of yourself. ☺

  • @magpie said:
    Thanks.
    The Christmas is over and I feel it like a burden off my back.
    Much better now.

    Thanks for all the spoons, they helped me survive!

    Well done magpie, that is very good news.🌷

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