Hi, I'm Bender
Hi, I'm Bender and I suck at introductions - I've only written one before.
Even if most of you know me and my story, blame Teach for the information dump that follows ;)
My introduction to the world and the first two decades of my life were filled with violence and hate. My mother was NPD and a bag of chips, my father a violent alcoholic and I mostly grew up in the system. My mother took me back after my brother killed himself and after she spent 2 years trying to do the same to me, I ran away at 14, thinking I have a better chance of surviving on my own. That's how I became homeless for a while.
In the first half of my existence, I battled depression, CPTSD, anger, insomnia and constant suicidal tendencies on a daily basis which culminated with an epic breakdown that led me to reconsider the way I was living, pushed me to face my demons and make peace with the past. I didn't have any proper professional guidance and somehow blundered my way through it, often doing more harm. It was a devastating experience of self-deconstruction and annihilation. But I managed to put myself back together somehow and my (then future) wife lovingly guided and supported me through the worst of it.
The only things that never went away are my chronic insomnia and a lingering sadness in the way I perceive the world, but I rely on humour to face the ugliest side of the world and myself.
In the second half, my life turned out much better than I ever had any right to hope, I have a few close friends, a wife I love dearly and two kids that I both love and even like just as they are.
I was diagnosed late in life, they spotted me while evaluating my son. The diagnosis didn't make a huge difference for me, but it helped me understand some aspects of my personality and behaviour better. I feel at home with many people on the spectrum, as well as with non-autistic eccentrics and oddballs.
Working out and cooking or baking are my favourite ways of dealing with stress and I generally like doing things with my hands. IRL I lean on humour to face the ugly side of the world and my own demons. I also love animals and I'm officially a cat fanatic.
I have more hobbies than free time, but I'm mostly interested in classic literature, history, film, music and art, I’m passionate about books and ideas and a seeker of beauty. I’m curious and inquisitive by nature and love learning and exploring new avenues: it keeps me young and hopefully sharp. I often try to understand things without judgement and believe in cultivating compassion, but I can also be a bit rigid when it comes to treating and addressing people in a civilised way.
Working out and cooking or baking are my favourite ways of dealing with stress and I generally like doing things with my hands. I also love animals and I'm officially a cat fanatic.
If you made it this far, it's nice to meet y'all :)