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Bender's domestic goddess thread

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  • It's not about whether or not it gets done. It's about how much time and eenergy is spent on getting it done. I'll admit I don't always get my lunchboxes done, or I fail at measurements so I wind up with fewer than five. it's not worth the effort to start another cooking session for a few more boxes. That's what frozen dinners are for. Luckily I work right next to a grocery store.

  • HylianHylian Citizen, Mentor

    @Isabella said:
    My issue is that my brain thinks in micro rather than macro.

    So if I have to clean my bedroom, it's not "one task". It's hundreds of tasks. Each individual step of cleaning the room is as big and important (and daunting) as the others so I think of it as "a hundred chores" rather than one chore: "clean my bedroom". Every piece of paper I have to file or recycle or read or move involves multistep thinking. Then I get distracted thinking and making decisions of where to put each paper. Then, gee, I need to make my bed? But maybe I need to launder the linens. Distraction.

    If I leave the room to launder then I'm even more off task. Then I need to vacuum but should I vacuum the whole house or just that room? If I do whole house I'm off task again and will likely see something in another room to work on. And now the laundry needs to go in the dryer. And meanwhile I haven't dusted yet, or I should rearrange my books. Maybe I should read one of the books? It just never ends because of my poor multitasking ability, and my general lack of focus.

    Heaven forbid if I need to touch water.

    This is so accurate to how planning and doing things is for me. People often don't seem to get that even menial tasks actually have many different smaller tasks involved in them and that I have to prepare to do each step, especially if it involves moving items around. The main thing that massively overwhelms me when I clean is organizing things, since I have so many items and steps in my head at once.

  • I envy your ability to keep some structure in your time, Wolfram. I suppose that it's different for people who work outside the home and have set weekends or days off. When I was working full time my Sundays were much more focused than they are now.

    Hylian, I empathise. The steps are overwhelming aren't they? My worst thing is paper. I have kind of a PTSD response to paper because I've always had to keep very detailed records about the hard times in my life. Papers remind me of all that work, and the stress of making sure I don't lose anything or get disorganised. When I see a stack of mail or papers or documents I go into Freeze mode. I'm actually scared of looking at them or making decisions of where to put them, or how to sort them. I know how to file but filing brings back flashbacks too. I wish I could have a professional paper-taker-care-of-person.

  • @Wolfram said:
    It's not about whether or not it gets done. It's about how much time and energy is spent on getting it done.

    Same way for me: when I plan ahead and know exactly what I need to do, I put my headphones on and go on automatic pilot. I do things in the same way and mostly the same order and I don't have to think about it.

    I have enough chaos and unpredictability to deal with at work and since I also work from home I need clear boundaries between work and... well, life, otherwise, I would spend all my time working.

  • @Isabella said:
    I envy your ability to keep some structure in your time, Wolfram. I suppose that it's different for people who work outside the home and have set weekends or days off.

    That's probably true. Though I'm not sure I'd call it an ability to structure so much as as a desire to have to be productive for as short a period of time as possible. Equal measures of necessity and laziness.

  • I am totally exhausted and burned out just reading this thread.

  • @verity said:
    Tell @Amity not to ever again put parmesan in the microwave 🦨🤢

    Lol I am intrigued as to the aftermath of such an action Verity☺

  • @Wolfram said:
    Sundays is my "prepare for next week" day. I run the laundry machine, I run the dishwasher, and while that's going on I cook food for lunchboxes. Once the boxes are done I empty the dishwasher and reload it with whatever dishes I accrued during cooking.

    I imagineit helps, especially since you can do multiple things at the same time, plus have them work of each other.

    Good tip on the air purifier. Will have to see about getting one of those.

    I need to borrow you for at least a month W I am not so organized.

  • Has a lot less to do with being organized (which I'm not) and a lot more to do with minimizing the amount of productive uptime needed. 😅

  • @Teach51 said:

    @Wolfram said:
    Sundays is my "prepare for next week" day. I run the laundry machine, I run the dishwasher, and while that's going on I cook food for lunchboxes. Once the boxes are done I empty the dishwasher and reload it with whatever dishes I accrued during cooking.

    I imagineit helps, especially since you can do multiple things at the same time, plus have them work of each other.

    Good tip on the air purifier. Will have to see about getting one of those.

    I need to borrow you for at least a month W I am not so organized.

    I get him after you. 😉

  • I have a colleague who does the same as Wolfram. She impresses me with her organization and industry. All her household chores and cooking are on a similar schedule. She is definitely OCD and sometimes I think aspie as well. She admits to the former, but thinks the latter is ridiculous.

  • AmityAmity Administrator, Citizen

    @Teach51 said:

    @verity said:
    Tell @Amity not to ever again put parmesan in the microwave 🦨🤢

    Lol I am intrigued as to the aftermath of such an action Verity☺

    Medium term he became hyper-vigilant when he heard the microwave door closing and would rush to the kitchen, launching into inquisition mode en route. 🤣

  • @blazingstar said:
    I have a colleague who does the same as Wolfram. She impresses me with her organization and industry. All her household chores and cooking are on a similar schedule. She is definitely OCD and sometimes I think aspie as well. She admits to the former, but thinks the latter is ridiculous.

    I have OCD tendencies too and I do something similar - a bit more relaxed. It minimises stress for me, as I know beforehand every day what needs to be done and I don't have to make any decisions or try to evaluate what's more important or urgent - sometimes we decide for the week, sometimes just the next day. Then it's just a task I've done so many times before, I go on automatic pilot and don't have to think about it and I know I can count on others to do their part too.

    We also usually organise food for the week - not very strictly, but decide on 4 or 5 dishes and make sure we have the ingredients needed. Then we can pick one each day depending who feels like cooking or how much time we have. We also cook large batches sometimes and freeze portions for "lazy evenings".

    Also, if either I or my wife have a deadline or tough period at work, the other one takes over most task and the kids help too.

    It helps me feel I'm on top of things and prepared: this one is big for me as I tend to panic if I don't have a plan or strategy for most things.

  • Pain perdu for the old toasts.

  • @Bender said:

    @blazingstar said:
    I have a colleague who does the same as Wolfram. She impresses me with her organization and industry. All her household chores and cooking are on a similar schedule. She is definitely OCD and sometimes I think aspie as well. She admits to the former, but thinks the latter is ridiculous.

    I have OCD tendencies too and I do something similar - a bit more relaxed. It minimises stress for me, as I know beforehand every day what needs to be done and I don't have to make any decisions or try to evaluate what's more important or urgent - sometimes we decide for the week, sometimes just the next day. Then it's just a task I've done so many times before, I go on automatic pilot and don't have to think about it and I know I can count on others to do their part too.

    We also usually organise food for the week - not very strictly, but decide on 4 or 5 dishes and make sure we have the ingredients needed. Then we can pick one each day depending who feels like cooking or how much time we have. We also cook large batches sometimes and freeze portions for "lazy evenings".

    Also, if either I or my wife have a deadline or tough period at work, the other one takes over most task and the kids help too.

    It helps me feel I'm on top of things and prepared: this one is big for me as I tend to panic if I don't have a plan or strategy for most things.

    My goodness how absolutely useless I am at the organization of my household. I am totally humbled by such domestic competence (hanging my head in shame). My home is clean and tidy but nothing is actually planned in advance. Not entirely true, I do plan but I will have certain ingredients and say naaah don't feel like eating that, then I will make something else that I have had a sudden craving for. I am spontaneous for the reason that my brain struggles with planning things sequentially and methodically not because it's a conscious choice.

  • ^
    It really doesn't matter how you do it, as long as you feel reasonably happy with how things go in your home 🙂

    TBH, I'd like to be more spontaneous in some things, but it's a struggle for me. Also, if something unexpected pops up (and it often does), I can get agitated and annoyed. I'm not inflexible (can't afford that, especially with kids), but too much deviation from a plan and making the necessary adjustments can also be a struggle.

    We all do what we can I guess, sometimes it's just about surviving the day.

  • That's it really isn't it? Surviving the day, accepting how we are programmed and being grateful for all the things that we have enjoyed no matter how great or small. I have been 7 days without a fridge and I have become extremely aware of how well I can live with so much less. I have some milk products in my neighbour's fridge and it has really made us closer and more caring. My neighbours are much more mutually supportive since Covid19.

  • I used to spend summers in a summer house with no frig. We could keep some things cool on ice, but mostly the plan was for things that did not need refrigeration. Evenings were always cool in the Adirondacks.

    We also live without a frig or freezer when the power goes out after hurricanes. I was two weeks without power at my former house and we were one week without power for Irma. In many ways, I prefer it.

    I no longer plan much. I just try to see what is around and figure out what to do with that. I am the opposite of you, Bender. If something is planned, my anxiety goes up worrying about if I can get it all fit into the day, or if I forgot something, or whatever. I am best when I work with what is on hand, for almost everything. We all find different ways to cope with our anxieties. No one way is better than another.

  • @blazingstar said:

    I no longer plan much. I just try to see what is around and figure out what to do with that. I am the opposite of you, Bender. If something is planned, my anxiety goes up worrying about if I can get it all fit into the day, or if I forgot something, or whatever. I am best when I work with what is on hand, for almost everything. We all find different ways to cope with our anxieties. No one way is better than another.

    Couldn't agree more 🙂

    Also, my planning isn't perfect and sometimes things just don't go the way initially planned. On occasions, I just open the fridge/pantry and rustle something up for dinner with whatever we have around. I jokingly call that "frying up the trash" but I'm just being facetious, some of our favourite dishes came in existence just like that.

  • I have virtually no domestic abilities. My wife is irritated at that. But she has too many THINGS.

    I just like to read or watch TV or surf the Net.

  • @kraftiekortie said:
    I have virtually no domestic abilities. My wife is irritated at that. But she has too many THINGS.

    I just like to read or watch TV or surf the Net.

    Hehe, you sound like a bachelor at heart 😜

  • Yep. That’s the crux of it 😎

    I do help out in the house—but with a considerable amount of reluctance based on not much. It’s sort of a pathological thing with me.

  • Ting and Mr. Ting can't cook much at all, but we have enough to eat. I can cook a little more than him and have a broader palate, so I don't have to rely on cereal, various breads, fig bars, granola, and protein shakes like he does; I can saute vegetables, scramble eggs, cook fish and pizza in the oven, make soups in a saucepan, and some simple stuff like that.

    I'm good at house cleaning (I've had side jobs in the past -- and might have one next year -- cleaning people's homes, and cleaning residential homes as a DSP), while Mr. Ting does the usual stereotypical male stuff like mowing and mechanical things around the house. We needed a plumber today to fix our toilet, though; that thing had a number of problems. Thankfully it's resolved.

    We're both frugal and balance our finances with our only debt being home mortgage. He's very good at investing and keeping track of the stocks.

    We usually order groceries these days from ALDI for delivery, but I also enjoy going to traditional stores when needs be. I used to grocery shop with my dad when I was a little girl, so I have fond memories associated with getting groceries. I can make good grocery lists and carefully check the stores for best and most useful products for the price, doing all the cost benefit analyses in my head.

  • @verity said:

    Executive Dysfunction Tips

    Most of the professional advice is ill advised, and lacks insight of executive issues from the perspective of someone who has it, and tend to forget disorganisation is in the mind, and the mess is a consequence no the cause.

    Don't think about the enormity of the mess, instead:
    1. Keep bins available in each room, and several big ones. The first thing you should try and clear is any accessible waste. Force yourself to to do this as much as possible when you see item that can be binned lying around.
    2.Put like things together. This can be and broad or as specific as you like. Just start to sort items by their type. You can do a number of different rounds, filtering it down to help clear surfaces.
    3. Don't pressure yourself about how long it will take, you probably won't know where you are until you have done a round or two of "like things". Not knowing where you are is fine, don't let it overwhelm, just do what you can in the available time.
    4. Broadly categorise items by room or sector. If something is not from the you are room immediately move it to the correct one, just somewhere safe, it doesn't have to be "put away", until you you can focus on that room. Persist with the idea that if you see something out of place for the room, to move it to correct room.
    6. If items or the room needs clearing, better to do above first for the whole room.
    7. Be careful about "putting thing away" if you don't easily form mental maps. Same applies to stacking/filling, etc Choose locations for thing that are uncomplicated and logical an do it consistently so you form habits.

    This is so useful. Thank you!

  • @Isabella said:
    I do this when I have to clean or organise:

    I pick a random number like .... five. When I get up for any reason, I have to do five things before I sit down again. Depending on my energy level the five things might be very small (recycle five pieces of paper -- lol -- that's five things), or larger (five actual tasks). Of course my number might even be smaller like ... two. Again they could be big tasks or small tasks. The tasks are usually on a list first because it's incredibly satisfying to cross things off a list.

    I'm the type of person who likes to count things, so the numbers help.

    Off to do three things now --

    toodles

    I love this as a system! I'm not sure it would work for me but I think one of my friends might like it.

  • The problem I have now, is that my house has only two rooms. A great room (kitchen, dining, living) which is not all that big and a small bedroom. 650 square feet.

    We have too many special interests which require a lot of items which require a lot of space. Gardening stuff, Canoeing, camping, stuff. Musical instruments and paper music. Books. Mr. B is a bow hunter, so there are bows and camouflage, etc. He also fishes which requires lots of different rods and reals and lures, etc. He also builds a lot of stuff, targets, etc, so there are all these tools for his interests and/or for repairing or adding to our little house. I'm sure there are more things, but that gives you the general idea.

    We also live with a large dog and two cats.

    So putting things in a bin in each room doesn't work. There are only two rooms. Many times my cleaning up involves moving stuff from one place to another and then back again.

    I've tried the "pick up just one thing" or five things, but I can't seem to keep that going.

  • kraftiekortiekraftiekortie Citizen
    edited December 2020

    I find that people feel cleaning is a life-and-death matter. People get all bent out of shape about it.

    It's important----but it's not as big a deal as something like being a decent person in general.

  • IsabellaIsabella Citizen
    edited January 2021

    I wasn't sure where to post this, but it's about domestic-related terrorism. Otherwise known as my doorbell.

    I have a very bad panic response to doorbells in general (people arriving at my home and startling me), but beyond that the actual noise gives me a headache which can last all day. My dog is trained to bark when the doorbell rings and lately that makes my headaches even worse. Needless to say my doorbell rings many times a day now because of Covid. Everything I buy is delivered, from groceries to pet food to books and clothes.

    I'm wondering how complicated it is to switch out a doorbell for a new one that doesn't make me want to die? Would I need an electrician for that? Can I do it myself?

    There must be divas out there who have advice for someone with misophonia and a migraine?

    Please?

  • 😂 love the domestic terrorism one 😂
    Truth. 😎

    Makes me jump out of my skin on a regular basis...
    In one house I used to live in I screwed an old-fashioned door knocker onto the front door and then cut the wires between the bell button and it’s little speaker: which worked for me, but might not be what you’re after as a solution.

    In the UK I think you’d be required by law to get an electrician to do speaker replacing work... so I’d recommend checking regs over there before proceeding just in case.

  • IsabellaIsabella Citizen
    edited January 2021

    If I could find my mobile (@Wizardry 😉), I'd text my brother to ask him. He would definitely know how. He's not allowed to come in my house because of lockdown, but he could likely tell me what to order.

    In the meantime ripping it out entirely might be an option, or rendering it "accidentally broken" in some way.

    At the beginning of Covid I had a big note on the outside of the sunporch that all deliveries had to be left outdoors rather than opening the storm door or ringing the doorbell to put deliveries directly inside the entranceway. (We have a double door sunporch).

    This note was ignored by the postman and pretty much everyone else. They came into the sunporch and rang the bell anyway. It was really annoying.

    Mine is a true panic response, not just from the jarring sound but because I'm fearful when anyone comes to my door unexpected. I once had such a pronounced trauma response that I buried myself under a pile of laundry and hid for almost an hour. It sounds funny, but it was really that bad. I thought the person was someone else.

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