I had a discussion with a mentor who told me that confidence was something one gained as one gained experience and ability.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, would be that inner knowledge that you are an inherently valuable person, as a human being and as part of this world.
I would agree with earlier comments that confidence can be "worn" like a jacket to perform and from that gradually grows. (A random thought, perhaps that kind of confidence is a form of masking?) I believe that it has been fairly well demonstrated that, hmm I am forgetting the language, behaviors come first and attitudes develop from changes in behavior.
@blazingstar said:
I would agree with earlier comments that confidence can be "worn" like a jacket to perform and from that gradually grows. (A random thought, perhaps that kind of confidence is a form of masking?)
I've definitely used that tactic as a form of masking before, and that's how I figured out it even works in the first place. I try to seem more confident in my social ability when around others, which in turn has eventually made me more confident and made it easier to mask in other ways.
I've never been good at faking confidence and everyone can tell. If you are clearly bad at something, people will let you know. No amount of confidence, feigned or real, can change reality.
There's a difference between confidence and arrogance/cockiness. Having confidence won't magically make you good at something, but shows people that you are comfortable trying out things and making mistakes.
Thinking you have a better ability to do something than you actually do and going out of your way to flaunt that is beyond confidence and goes into the realm of arrogance/cockiness, and yes other people will pick up on arrogance.
@ting1984 said:
I was confident when younger because my parents told me I was a genius. As I got older and found I'm really only skilled at a smaller number of things, I've lost a lot of confidence. I especially lack it in areas where I've been repeatedly criticized by others, such as social skills.
My parents had issues. Much of what they taught me was incorrect, hence my lack of confidence in dealing with life.
Once I realised I couldn't depend on their guidance, and started to depend on myself, my confidence grew.
I always had a strong innate reasoning ability, being able to extrapolate on relatively small amounts of experience/information. I built on that "gift" and developed my critical thinking skills.
At 22 I literally dedicated myself to embracing the truth, regardless of the emotional cost. That entailed diminishing the value of my ego and focusing on objectivity and reason/logic, as opposed to emotional comfort.
As you can imagine, I am out of phase with the modern "Morality is more important that the Facts" culture that is so prevalent, these days.
But, as a result, I am the towering intellectual giant you see before you now.
I have self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance and I am virtually emotionally bulletproof, in most situations.
I am fantastic!
You should feel honoured to be in the glow of my enlightenment.
I don't have confidence in being able to read between the lines, and I take things people say very literally. These things are actually quite typical of autism, and for those who think I'm well-adjusted, you've found out just how autistic I really am.
I also have no confidence in being able to decode humor. This is another autistic trait. If you use humor, I won't be able to tell most of the time, and I will again take it literally. This is why I have clear autism, and am not as well-adjusted as someone might assume.
Kortie, I understand about not having confidence. I don't think you did anything wrong.
I don't think anyone did anything wrong. All of us just need to be mindful of the topic and respect the OP.
The point of this website, as I understand it, is to provide for a community of people with autism or interested or affected by autism, to have a place to talk, discuss, learn, interact. In order to do that we have to be respectful of others in the community.
Be mindful this is support section, we have a Political Theory and History section available to to Citizens.While members can't access it until they are citizen snow it won't be long before they will be promoted.
Mistakes will happen, people will get carried away especially at the beginning when we are all still finding our way around the site and the appropriate sections may not seem obvious
"Other conditions" is a support forum and not an appropriate place for politics.
I think we can all agree this unintentionally went off-topic, which is understandable in the times we're living in, as everything is politically charged, and it's hard to avoid. I admit that I contributed to the drift, and regret doing so. I think we can also all agree as well that we can move on and get back to the main topic at hand. I think there were lessons here that many of us autists don't have a lot of social confidence, can find it challenging to communicate with others, or understand others, and some of this even contributed to some of the aforementioned drift.
What I really want to emphasize the most is I cannot have confidence in part because I have so much trouble deciphering humor, taking people literally, taking them at face value. All I ask is that when people communicate with me, they try to be as direct as possible, avoid humor, and don't assume I can read between the lines or always understand what you're trying to get at. Yes, I may be "well-adjusted," but I AM autistic. Clinically diagnosed as moderate, even. I don't have confidence in humor, socializing with others, reading between the lines, or taking what anyone writes beyond face value. I cannot read your mind and can only process what you write in the ways my brain is hardwired to do: without humor, taken at face value, taken literally.
@blazingstar said:
I am confused. Is this not a thread on CONFIDENCE?
Could we get back on topic. and take your political discussion elsewhere?
Thank you.
No.
Amity could separate the political posts.
She must be used to this sort of thing, by now.
Comments
Intriguing. Part of the definition of a friend, for me, entails phone contact - at least at some stage. Certainly a home visit.
Back to confidence.
I had a discussion with a mentor who told me that confidence was something one gained as one gained experience and ability.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, would be that inner knowledge that you are an inherently valuable person, as a human being and as part of this world.
I would agree with earlier comments that confidence can be "worn" like a jacket to perform and from that gradually grows. (A random thought, perhaps that kind of confidence is a form of masking?) I believe that it has been fairly well demonstrated that, hmm I am forgetting the language, behaviors come first and attitudes develop from changes in behavior.
I've definitely used that tactic as a form of masking before, and that's how I figured out it even works in the first place. I try to seem more confident in my social ability when around others, which in turn has eventually made me more confident and made it easier to mask in other ways.
Spot on, Hylian!
I've never been good at faking confidence and everyone can tell. If you are clearly bad at something, people will let you know. No amount of confidence, feigned or real, can change reality.
There's a difference between confidence and arrogance/cockiness. Having confidence won't magically make you good at something, but shows people that you are comfortable trying out things and making mistakes.
Thinking you have a better ability to do something than you actually do and going out of your way to flaunt that is beyond confidence and goes into the realm of arrogance/cockiness, and yes other people will pick up on arrogance.
My parents had issues. Much of what they taught me was incorrect, hence my lack of confidence in dealing with life.
Once I realised I couldn't depend on their guidance, and started to depend on myself, my confidence grew.
I always had a strong innate reasoning ability, being able to extrapolate on relatively small amounts of experience/information. I built on that "gift" and developed my critical thinking skills.
At 22 I literally dedicated myself to embracing the truth, regardless of the emotional cost. That entailed diminishing the value of my ego and focusing on objectivity and reason/logic, as opposed to emotional comfort.
As you can imagine, I am out of phase with the modern "Morality is more important that the Facts" culture that is so prevalent, these days.
But, as a result, I am the towering intellectual giant you see before you now.
I have self-confidence, self-esteem, self-reliance and I am virtually emotionally bulletproof, in most situations.
I am fantastic!
You should feel honoured to be in the glow of my enlightenment.
Messed up editing my comment.
I am confused. Is this not a thread on CONFIDENCE?
Could we get back on topic. and take your political discussion elsewhere?
Thank you.
I don’t have enough confidence in myself.
Sorry about that. My bad.
I don't have confidence in being able to read between the lines, and I take things people say very literally. These things are actually quite typical of autism, and for those who think I'm well-adjusted, you've found out just how autistic I really am.
I also have no confidence in being able to decode humor. This is another autistic trait. If you use humor, I won't be able to tell most of the time, and I will again take it literally. This is why I have clear autism, and am not as well-adjusted as someone might assume.
Kortie, I understand about not having confidence. I don't think you did anything wrong.
I don't think anyone did anything wrong. All of us just need to be mindful of the topic and respect the OP.
The point of this website, as I understand it, is to provide for a community of people with autism or interested or affected by autism, to have a place to talk, discuss, learn, interact. In order to do that we have to be respectful of others in the community.
It was my mistake. Definitely no intention to not respect the OP..
Be mindful this is support section, we have a Political Theory and History section available to to Citizens.While members can't access it until they are citizen snow it won't be long before they will be promoted.
I know that. I just made a mistake. I should have been more mindful of the thread.
Can we move on?
this was addressed at everyone not just you.
Wow this conversation certainly has changed course from the original title, thanks for trying to get it back on track
Will attempt to split it and move to Political theory and history.
Mistakes will happen, people will get carried away especially at the beginning when we are all still finding our way around the site and the appropriate sections may not seem obvious
"Other conditions" is a support forum and not an appropriate place for politics.
It’s okay. Don’t “split” this. It was just a dumb mistake by me that led to this.
Confidence is important. One is worthy of respect by virtue of being a person. Don’t let others screw with you.
I find it ridiculous that not being “socially deft” causes others to try to screw with your confidence.
It was well off track before you responded
It needs to be split, but thats OK, its not a big deal
I think we can all agree this unintentionally went off-topic, which is understandable in the times we're living in, as everything is politically charged, and it's hard to avoid. I admit that I contributed to the drift, and regret doing so. I think we can also all agree as well that we can move on and get back to the main topic at hand. I think there were lessons here that many of us autists don't have a lot of social confidence, can find it challenging to communicate with others, or understand others, and some of this even contributed to some of the aforementioned drift.
What I really want to emphasize the most is I cannot have confidence in part because I have so much trouble deciphering humor, taking people literally, taking them at face value. All I ask is that when people communicate with me, they try to be as direct as possible, avoid humor, and don't assume I can read between the lines or always understand what you're trying to get at. Yes, I may be "well-adjusted," but I AM autistic. Clinically diagnosed as moderate, even. I don't have confidence in humor, socializing with others, reading between the lines, or taking what anyone writes beyond face value. I cannot read your mind and can only process what you write in the ways my brain is hardwired to do: without humor, taken at face value, taken literally.
Very eloquent....
We are naughtie auties.
It is our job to go off-topic.
No.
Amity could separate the political posts.
She must be used to this sort of thing, by now.
I have created a new discussion already.
I've noticed.
Many, if not most auties are like that.
I am too, in some situations.
But at times, I seem to be an exception.
I am very good at "reading between the lines" and cognitive empathy, but after the event.
Thank god!
I was worried there, for a second.
"Read" the emojis.
They help determine the tone/mindset of the post/people-posting, usually. ;)
My "
" means I am joking around. 
BTW, I am an emoji freak.
Some people seem to have a problem with that.
Not my problem.
I'm special.
My mum told me so.
So the rulz don't apply to me.
Yes, ting, my upside-down smilie means I am joking.
Can we all get back on topic now?
I wouldn’t advocate taking the Dale Carnegie course.